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Jordan and Annie..(How deal with Anger in Relationships) Август 28, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Today's Devotional.
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Dealing with Anger in Relationships
Hope you will identify with this story, as imaginative as it can be am sure one way or the other you and me relate to this.
Does this story sound familiar to you?

Jordan groaned inwardly as he picked up the toothpaste tube

— and replaced the cap that had been left off AGAIN!

ARGH!

Will that woman ever stop doing that?

It was a constant pain in his side, and something his wife Annie kept doing to him.

She knew that he could not bear the sight of

• bottle tops being left off
• doors left hanging open
• left-over food rotting in the fridge

and ESPECIALLY — the cap being left off the toothpaste!

After a vigorous and angry brushing of his teeth, he stomped into the bedroom, like an animal heading for its prey.

“Annie, he shouted.

“When are you going to learn to put the cap back on the toothpaste when you are finished with it?”

Annie, in the meanwhile had made discovery of her own. In her attempts at keeping the room clean, she had once again found a pair of dirty socks lying on the floor, which should have been put in the washing basket.

She had lost count of the number of times she had pleaded, “Jordan honey, please will you not leave your socks lying on the floor like that”.

So when Jordan came surging into the room to say his piece, she was ready and waiting with a few words of her own.

It went something like this:

Jordan : Annie you did it again — you left the cap off the toothpaste

Annie: Yes and you did it again too — you left your socks on the floor

Jordan: Don’t you know that the toothpaste will dry out if you keep doing that. We cannot afford to buy toothpaste every second day!

Annie: Who cares about your stupid toothpaste! I am sick and tired of having to run around after you, picking up your socks all the time.

Jordan: Well at least I don’t go leaving stuff to rot in the fridge all the time. Did you see all that green stuff growing on the plates there in the corner? It is disgusting, and it breeds germs.

Annie: Listen I am not like your mother. She might have waited hand and foot on you and picked up all your clothes around you all your life. But you are not a child now. It is time you grow up!

Jordan: Oh for Pete’s sake woman, when are you to learn to be a normal wife and stop getting on my case about nothing?

The circumstances might be different, but if you have ever lived for an extended period of time with someone, I am sure that you can relate to this story.

It happens all the time in some homes!

What is the cause of this, and how can we stop it from taking place?

What has happened here is a natural result of responding to anger incorrectly. You see, sooner or later we will all become angry about something. And it is not the anger that is dangerous, but the way that we use it.

I have written a lot about this in my articles on Hurts, Anger and Bitterness. I can share briefly on that now. You see it all comes under the subject of bitterness. When you respond incorrectly to anger you move from bitterness to hate. You might respond in two different ways to anger. The one which I described above is a result of explosive anger. It leads to violent arguments. Boiling anger leads to another bad response, but right now I want to show you how to deal with arguments in your relationships.

The answer comes from a man who was an expert on marital arguments, since he was married to many different women.

This is the only way that you can diffuse a violent argument, or perhaps stop it from happening at all. Of course this is easy to see afterwards, but it not so easy to apply in practice. That is why you need to start working on it until it becomes a habit in your relationship.

How do you respond when someone attacks you? Do you try to defend yourself by attacking back? In a relationship often the one partner tends to be more explosive than the other — particularly the partner who is more expressive. But we all explode at one time or another.

What do you do when your partner gets angry or irritated and tries to correct you? Do you justify yourself, or take a look first at your own failures.

1. Learn to see your own failure first — even if it seems much smaller than the failure of the other person.

2. Always answer softly and not aggressively.

If you can apply these two continually, then you will never have an argument in your marriage, even though you might at times have a strong disagreement.

Now here is the story above, rewritten to show what can happen if you learn to apply this principle.

Jordan: Annie you did it again — you left the cap off the toothpaste

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