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Why you fall for her/him? Октябрь 25, 2010

Posted by Herbert Mtowo in family relationship, man&woman relationship, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ.
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Maybe that magical “thing” we feel for someone really boils down to … literally, chemistry.
The psychology of falling in love often revolves around physical chemistry, along with similarities such as socioeconomic backgrounds, levels of intelligence and good looks, and spiritual beliefs.

Yet, whom one falls for has a more primitive, inborn biology, says author Helen Fisher. That science explains one’s basic temperament and personality, the biochemistry behind it, and why a person falls for one kind of person over another.
The types are the adventurous Explorer, the reliable Builder, the ambitious Director, and the kind Negotiator.

“Why are we almost magically drawn to some people and not others?” says Fisher. She is a research professor of biological anthropology at Rutgers University, and author of books including “Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love,” and “Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray.”

While physical and sexual attraction also may have a biochemical base, Fisher focuses on the psychological side.

“You can feel very sexually drawn to somebody, but then they open their mouth and they have the wrong accent,” she says. “The brain sorts out whom you will feel romantically attracted to.

“I’m not talking about how you feel when you are in love,” Fisher says. She calls herself mostly an Explorer, with a secondary Negotiator. “I’m talking about what the brain circuitry is for romantic love.”

Though a person’s background can influence his or her relationship choices, there’s more to the story, Fisher says.

“Your childhood experiences play a role; there’s no doubt about that,” she says. “What I’m adding to the puzzle is the science half of the puzzle.”
“Why Him? Why Her?” — which had its first edition published in hardcover a year ago — features Fisher’s personality test, which also is available on http://www.chemistry.com, a dating site for which she is chief scientific advisor. After taking the test, readers can figure out their dominant personality, and learn what types are the best matches for them.

The theory about matches isn’t absolute, Fisher says; an Explorer and Builder aren’t a likely pairing, but can have a successful
relationship with extra work.

“There’s really no bad match, but there are some matches that are more natural than the others,” she says.

The book features an in-depth chapter on each personality type, so that readers can know what makes both them and potential partners tick. The same principle applies to other relationships, like with friends and family members, Fisher says.

“What I’m trying to do is show people more about themselves and more about their partner — More about whom they might make a really good match with, how to pick that person, and how to sustain a relationship with that person,” she says.

“This is a way of not only understanding your sweetheart, but understanding anybody,” Fisher says.
What’s Your Type?
Author Helen Fisher identifies four basic personality types in her book “Why Him? Why Her? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love.”
•The Explorer has a zest for life and adventure. Explorers are intensely curious, creative, energetic and spontaneous. They are risk-takers and can become bored easily. Explorers are optimistic, independent, and adaptable. This personality type is dopamine-based. •The Builder is loyal, conscientious and conventional. Builders value duty, respectability and proper moral conduct, and they tend to follow social norms and customs. They like to make plans and keep schedules. Builders are orderly and detail-oriented, and tend to be excellent managers. This personality type is serotonin-based.
•The Director is tough-minded, strong, direct and decisive. Directors tend to be analytical, skeptical and exacting. They are ambitious, achievement-oriented, pragmatic, daring, competitive and
self-confident. This personality type is testosterone-based, in both sexes.
•The Negotiator is imaginative, sensitive and theoretical. Negotiators also are unassuming, agreeable, intuitive and compassionate. They are emotionally expressive, and good with handling people. This
personality type is estrogen-based, in both sexes.
Explorers tend to fall for other Explorers, and Builders tend to fall for other Builders. Yet Directors and Negotiators tend to fall for each other

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