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Happiness has to start with forgiveness part 1. Май 14, 2011

Posted by Herbert Masthobane in Today's Devotional.

Happiness Has to Start with Forgiveness Part 1

Have you been wronged by someone? Are you feeling hurt now? Is the communication between the victim and the victimizer broken? Yet, you care about this person deeply. Now the communication is broken, and you want to reconnect. But there is no connection. The efforts are failing. What seems to have gone wrong?

Since 50% of the marriages will end in divorce, such a breakdown of communication will start the process of erosion. How can the partners come together again? What will bring them back? Should they simply lead parallel lives so that they don’t hurt one another? The key to the healing process is forgiveness.
What is forgiveness? If we could fully understand the power of forgiveness, we could possibly apply it in many of our strained relationships and make a quick recovery. The trouble is we don’t always know how to forgive and the power of forgiveness. We may think we do, but if we are not using the tools, obviously we are not comfortable with it. The basic theory in this article is that most people could dig deeper into the power of forgiveness. Most are looking for happiness. To be happy, one has to know how to forgive himself and herself first and learn to forgive others, especially those with whom we are in relationships such as marital partners, children, etc.

Let us look into the meaning of forgiveness first.
1) Scholars define forgiveness as
“Compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive” “The act of excusing a mistake or offense”
Such compassion will come only if we realize that to forgive is to feel compassionate towards the person whom we feel have hurt us. We also need to learn how to excuse that person for the mistake or the offence.
Does that imply that we are giving the permission to the other party to hurt us again? Perhaps we should use forgiveness to reconnect and once the connection is developed, we should articulate our thoughts and feelings of hurt when it is safer to express. Perhaps the offending party also needs to learn the power of true forgiveness which could lead to removal of some confusion.

2) Scholars state
“Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.”

If our marriage partner offended us, we need to make some effort to move on and rebuild and reconnect instead of losing days or weeks or months through resentments. Mastering the art of forgiveness and knowing how to cease demanding punishment and restitution will be a huge step. We could also learn to somehow educate the partner possibly about powerful concepts such as forgiveness so that the offending behavior does not return. That is how real growth will occur in a relationship.



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