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Cheating is self-inflicted pain Сентябрь 11, 2013

Posted by Herbert Mtowo in Today's Devotional.
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Coach Herbert -Touching lives,inspiring and mentoring through the written and spoken word!.

Herbert Mtowo

Extramarital affairs and cheating in relationships is unquestionably an act capable of damaging the very foundation of your domestic life and taking away your happiness. It is the sword that cuts the hearts of two former lovers turning them into enemies living under the same roof. And statistics clearly point to cheating as the number one marriage and relationship destroyer. It’s a sobering to realize how many relationships and marriages have died at the mercilessness at its brutality.

Cheating partners are famous for the challenging and agonizing lives they led. If you are cheating on your wife or husband, no matter how you view it, your life will have you running in circles. You will lose your peace right from the inside of you. You will quickly learn that the whimsical happiness that you probably have gained outside your relationship was only temporary and will eventually elude you…

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MY CLASSIC LOVE STORY Август 21, 2013

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By Herbert Mtowo

 

Boaz finding Ruth is one of my favorite love stories in the history of humanity. Though many would argue with me and say that finding love is like chasing the wind and an elusive dream and believe you me I am no expert to love and in love, but the few years I have lived on planet earth have been full of countless and precious and worthy lessons on a lot of topical issues to life. Talking about the love of a lifetime many schools of thoughts and theories have been spoken of written when it comes to stumbling on the love that we all cherish and long for. But allow me to approach it from another angle as I open my heart and pour it in black and white, how that life still is the master teacher when it comes to finding true love.

The foundational scripture that I’d like to begin with is 1 John 4:19, «We love God because He FIRST LOVED us.» Do you see the significance of those words? We didn’t chase after God. No, he chased after us. He lured us into a relationship with Him. Romans 3:11 tells us that no one seeks after God without him first seeking after them. It was God who waited at the well to talk with the woman who had already lived with seven men and the man she was with wasn’t even her husband. It was God who asked the questions and then provided the answers that would bring about her deliverance and change her life. That day as she made her way to the well, she wasn’t thinking about whether she would have an meet with God today, no, she was going to get water. But God knew in advance that she would be there and he waited. Then he wooed her with his words.

To my precious Single women friends, how often is this scenario in reverse for you. You get all doled up and go to this or that event, hoping and praying that Mr. Right will find you? I remember growing up my sister at one time confided to me if she can get just a man to give her children she would be happy because she was getting tired by the day of waiting for love, many have died and lived disappointed but hold on for a while and listen to me as you read through this article. Do you ever leave feeling disappointed, especially if you go to a Christian singles’ event and there are 50 women for every one man. The odds really aren’t in your favor.

But I want you to make a shift in your consciousness today. I want you to see the development of a true love relationship, a godly love relationship in a whole new light. I want you to see a love relationship that mimics the relationship that God had with Israel, a prophet had with a prostitute, and Jesus has with the church.

Did you know that God’s relationship with the children of Israel in the Old Testament shows the love that a man is supposed to have for his mate? Are you aware that over and over and over and over in the Bible that God pursued the children of Israel only to be rejected again and again and again? Passage after passage throughout in the Old Testament is God pleading for the children of Israel to love and follow him because He wanted to bless them. Anyone who says God isn’t patient or merciful hasn’t read the Bible. He never gave up; he still hasn’t. These were his people and He loved them despite their bad behavior. All he ever wanted was for them to return and embrace his love.

In fact, he also used the story of Hosea to further depict his love and faithfulness to his people. God put an unconditional love in Hosea’s heart for a prostitute, Gomer and told him to marry her. In Hosea 3:1, God told Hosea, «Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites.» Hosea took Gomer to his home and gave her everything he had. He was crazy over her. But her old ways and life would lure her back into the streets and the arms of other men. Yet, that did not stop Hosea from finding his woman and bringing her back home. That’s how much he loved her.

Did you know that the relationship between Jesus and the church is our model for marriage? The Bible says that «we» are the bride of Christ. In Mark 2:20 Jesus refers to himself as the bridegroom. And because of his love for us, he stepped off his throne in heaven, lived on earth for about 30 years where he was ridiculed and rejected, and then died violently on a cross to restore our relationship back to God so that we could live eternally with Him. Revelations 19:7-9 and 21:1-2 tells about the final wedding that will take place. We are told that at the second coming of Christ, the official wedding ceremony will begin and the eternal union of Christ and his bride (us) will become a reality.

Well as I continued to prepare my writing of this article the Lord spoke to my spirit and said, that if a man is not as crazy and devoted to you as Christ is to the church and God was to the Children of Israel, he is not your bridegroom but a hireling, a fake. Wow! We loved God because HE first loved us. Ladies you are to love the man in our life because «he» first loved you, not because you manipulated, coerced, seduced, or even threatened him in marrying you. As women, you are to be receivers, not chasers. God created the man to choose, to pursue, and to love you and not the other way around. Ephesians 5:25 tells men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. But unfortunately, a role reversal has taken place and women have begun to aggressively chase after men and use any and all means to get them. Ladies, you may get a man, but he won’t be your bridegroom! When God does the choosing he will send him correct and He will put a love in his heart for you that will last longer than a flicker in the night.

I have personally known of men who waited for a woman for YEARS because they knew that woman was the one God had for them; they had eyes for no other. It didn’t matter how cute someone else was, their hearts were taken. Often times the women couldn’t see it. They just weren’t interested at all, but God began to do a work in their heart as well and these marriages are just as strong today as they were years ago.

I know I’m going to sound a bit out there now, but I’m going to say it anyway. Ladies, if the man in your life is not crazy about you, can’t stop thinking about you, doesn’t nurture and cherish you, doesn’t love buying you little things to see you smile, and if that man in your life wouldn’t die for you, he’s not your bridegroom. He is a fake and he’ll never love you like a true groom would. Now you can settle for him just to have somebody and not be alone, but just be clear what you’re doing. However, if you want God’s best, then wait for God to bring him to the well of your heart. Let him ask you for a drink of water but all along his true intentions are to water you with his love, to woo you, and to take you as his own.

Now married to women, your man may have started out thinking you were the cream in his coffee but because of the little foxes that were swept under the rug and not exposed and dealt with, a wall may have surfaced between you. It’s time to cleansing your relationship from everything that stands between you and your man and get those sparks flying again. So don’t despair, just start doing that mental and spiritual cleaning that is blocking the love between you from flowing freely. However, if you settled for a hireling, you may have to work harder to cultivate love and passion in your relationship, but with God all things are possible.

Now to all the men, I told you that you can glean from this article as well because if the woman in your life doesn’t make you a little «coo coo,» when you think about her then she probably isn’t the one either. I believe that when God presents that woman in your life you will eat, breath, dream, and sleep her. You won’t be able to get her out of your mind. It’s like thoughts about her will haunt you, in a good way of course. And yes, you would give her your all, up to the point of your own life. Your love for her will represent the love that Jesus has for the church and God for his people.

Therefore, single women if you are in a relationship and with a man, in which, you are always questioning whether he loves you, you don’t know his intentions, and you are carrying the bulk of relationship, run away, don’t walk. This man is «just not that into you.» Your bridegroom and your Boaz won’t have any problem showing you and telling you how he feels.

Lastly, be patient and as you learned in life`s lessons, learn to have a relationship with yourself and be fun, confident, and a joy to be around. Then one day when you least expect it, he’ll be right there waiting for you and you thought you were just going to buy some lettuce.
Busisiwe

 

STEPPING OUT INTO GREATNESS Август 6, 2013

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By Herbert Mtowo

 

Life has taught me that, all critical skills indeed come only when we leave our comfort zones. It would be wonderful if there was a way to comfortably grow. But growth actually stretches our self-confidence to a breaking point. We are no longer able to use those talents and social skills that had become second-nature. We can no longer call upon those who could be relied upon to support us. Instead, we find ourselves suddenly clumsy and with new people who have not yet come to know us and like us.

When you pull away from the things, people, and experiences you are familiar with, when you step out of your comfort zone, you are on a path of growth. This growth, to say the least, is forcing you to stretch, and this stretching is uncomfortable.

Read this through:

Imagine that you are living in a small village. You know everyone. You know what to do, and when. This is your safe and familiar world. But your life calls for you to go beyond your village. Outside the village are resources, more money, more education, and more things that you need to experience. You are forced outside your village because although it is comfortable, it doesn’t have everything you need to survive or succeed in life.

This is how life works. We have our vision, our new purpose, but it is always a little beyond our reach. There is a gap where we are now and where we want to be. And usually, we have a lot of learning and experiencing to do before we can close the gap. You can have your dream, but not the details on how to make it come true. You can make plans, and some plan is better than no plan, but these are only based on what you now know. As you move toward what you are seeking, new knowledge will appear, and you will have to continually revise your plan.

In this world, discomfort is inevitable. Everything in you is calling you to go back to the way things were, even if they were not that good anyway. «Better the devil that you know,» you mutter under your breath, «then the one that you don’t know.» But these are always false assumptions. The reason you need to grow is because your life is not really that comfortable. There is something missing in it. What you take to be comfortable is only what is familiar, but it is not what you need at the moment.

Great true life examples:

Staying at home is comfortable; going to a place to work is uncomfortable. Yet unless you make money, you will lose your home.

Staying at your current weight is comfortable; going to a gym and following a strict diet is uncomfortable. Yet unless you lose excess weight, your health will get worse.

Staying single is comfortable; meeting and dating new people is uncomfortable. Yet unless you find a companion, you will continue to feel shy and lonely.

Outside our comfort zone is something that we need to make us more of who we want to be. There is something we need out there that will help us be successful.

We can, of course, refuse to step outside of our comfort zone, preferring to cope with the limitations within its borders. We can opt for contraction rather than expansion, for stagnation rather than growth. Sometimes, through procrastination, we appear to be doing something about our goals, but, in fact, it is the same thing as complete inaction.

Unless you are willing to face your comfort zone, you will fail to reach your goals, and your power to make positive, life-affirming and expanding decisions will also start to atrophy. Unfortunately, most people choose to honour their comfort zones, and in the process lose out on the opportunity to be, do, and have more of what would truly enrich their lives. The few who do respond to challenge in a positive way are those who start to experience levels of success they would never have dreamed was possible. Stepping outside your comfort zone will teach you more than new social skills; it will also teach you how to orchestrate effective communication skills within you as well.

So many times I have been hit hard had my back against the wall and at the edge of giving up to life, letting go my dreams and pursuits, but something to tells me its time I step out of my comfort zone and reach out to accomplish my dreams, it`s not an easy place to be, but it’s a doable thing. So; I DARE YOU TO STEP OUT AND DISCOVER WHO YOU ARE AND   WHAT YOU ARE MADE UP OF.yes greatness

STAY PUT AND FIGHT!! Февраль 17, 2013

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By Herbert Mtowo

It’s always a nice feeling to watch your competitor pick up their ball and bat, lower their head and walk home pouting. It’s not about having a bully mentality and enjoying others pain because you haven’t dealt with your own personal demons. It’s about not giving up like so many of us do. Who give up-end up rendering themselves useless? Yes, they do.

Staying power is much like a skinny, 5′ 3″ teenage girl bench pressing 150 pounds. It’s not something that most 5′ 3″ teenage girls can do or even fathom trying. With the determined mind-set, she will be able to lift that weight soon enough. You must know what stuff you are made up off, if you are to swim and cross oceans to get to you dreams. Sad though many of us give up too soon, at the slightest opposition and resistance we quit just too soon, fold our hands in despair.

You and me need «Staying Power!” I few are to ever make it in this world and life.

It is the ability to obsessively stay focused on your goal of achieving whatever it is you set out to do without blinking an eye. Similar to chaining yourself to a tree so that the loggers don’t chop it down or your hands are tied behind the chair you’re sitting in, under the hot bright light shined in your face being harshly questioned and you refuse to tell… no matter what, you are committed to stick it out no matter what it takes or how bad it feels.

When you hear about something that is mind-blowing and you want to do the same thing. First, ask yourself if you like the «idea» of it, or if you really have what it takes to make it happen. The point behind these two questions is time.

It’s OK to like the idea but not want to do it. It makes you no less of a person. In fact it shows that you know yourself and your capabilities. You have the wherewithal to make smart decisions and not waste your time or anyone around you.

If you know you have what it takes to make it happen, that makes you no better of a person. The same applies to you. You know yourself and your capabilities and have the wherewithal to make smart decisions.

Those who «like» ideas and try to go for it are the ones who end up taking the bat and ball home with a heavy heart. They tend to blame others for their shortcoming during that event. They now have become useless in their minds and project that onto others around them.

Those who «know» what it takes to make it happen shine and explode with power because they have now proved to themselves they have what it takes! They now have a «rock-star» mentality and everyone around them wants to celebrate with them! Paul says, “I have fought a good fight of faith, I have kept my faith, my crown awaits me”. Such are the results and rewards of sating up and fight another day, another battle, you can`t just be denied, NO you can`t.

So what does «it» take?

Sure determination and you have to «want» it badly enough. That’s it. Little facts or figures play into that feeling. In fact none do. It feels like you’re being called to do something extraordinary! Way too many of us spend too much time fighting that calling, the lure to go for it and jump without looking

Июнь 14, 2012

Posted by Herbert Mtowo in Today's Devotional.
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Июнь 14, 2012

Posted by Herbert Mtowo in Today's Devotional.
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OverAChairFeet's Bloginess

Slowing down to enjoy the moment. Patience. Such a huge teacher. There much be a special part of the brain that houses patience. How do you access it?

Impatience, though, springs forth from a lackful thought «I don’t have enough time.» Illusion. The reality is you always have 5 minutes.

These 5 minuteses pop up like rabbits when you start looking for them. They appear and wait, faithfully for us to grab them. These five minute segments of life must get lonely, waiting for our attention.

What a thought! That our time is patient with us! Is this moment tugging on your arm, like an adoring child, still asking sweetly for some gentle focus? It is easy to focus when the moment, or the child, is whining or wailing. By then, we are short tempered and flooded with emotion, not really fully present.

Being in the «now» may be a…

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LETTING GO PAIN AND LOVE ANYWAY. Март 13, 2012

Posted by Herbert Mtowo in family relationship, man&woman relationship, marriage.
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BY HERBERT MTOWO
We have all experienced emotional pain. Often times someone we have loved has turned their backs on us. Maybe it was a betrayal. Perhaps it was an intentional act of malevolence or outright hatred. Yes, I think we’ve all been there a time or two. Unfortunately that is the nature of human dynamics. Finding joy in these situations is still possible. You simply have to realign your thinking.

When we are attacked, especially by someone we love, the feelings that strike us are negative and hurtful. I mean, how could he or she have done such a thing? Didn’t they know how much you loved them?

In this life there are no sure guarantees. Just because someone loves you today doesn’t mean they will tomorrow. An act of betrayal or hate is usually the sign that the other person has decided to move on to other life paths. Regardless of how much you loved them, there is nothing you can do to change their minds. Remember that, in the end, we are only responsible for our own actions and mental / emotional states. We are not judged by others but by ourselves. When we have learned to expect love or respect in return for what we feel or gave, we set ourselves up for ultimate failure.

Think about the person who has attacked you. Push aside the pain a moment and remember the reasons why you loved that person. Why did you feel that way? Was it so that they would return your affection or was it simply because you cared for them? Has anything really changed? Perhaps they no longer love you, but how do you feel for them?

True love isn’t a quid-pro-quo arrangement. True love says I love you unconditionally. It isn’t about getting something in return. It’s about giving of yourself. The fact that the person no longer wants what you have to give does not make your feelings insignificant. Why? The reason is that love is an intrinsic piece of who you are. You gave that love freely because you chose to. Now it is up to you to continue to feel that way. But will you?

If you decide to be hurt and pull back your love, you only hurt yourself as your love for another person is a reflection of yourself. If you give into anger and hatred then you become angry and hateful. Never do that. Instead continue to realize why you love that person and don’t let go of that emotion. It is OK to let go of the person, but not the love. Take your matured love and move on to another person. By doing so you will become a stronger person less susceptible to pain because you know that you love for love’s sake and not because someone returned a feeling. True love exists intrinsically, and love for a return like an investment was never love but an empty need. You have the choice to make your heart and mind whatever you want. Let love lead you through the pain and finding joy will be your reward. Love unconditionally and learn to let go and move on.

SEARCH FOR KNOWLEDGE AND THE PROPER USE OF TIME. Февраль 6, 2012

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Information is like any other item, it can be collected and accumulated. To do this, it takes time, effort and money and then a place to store all that is collected. Then it is useless and the effort in its accumulation wasted if it is not shown off. So not only is time spent in its accumulation but also in its presentation and sharing.

Knowledge, and the search for knowledge is often related to ones search for meaning and truth, what is life about and why are we here. That knowledge cannot be found in books or magazines, it can only be found by one developing oneself to a state when inner knowledge comes forth. That is not acquired with more and more information, it can only be directly experienced. And that experience takes preparation. Preparation takes time.

Our ego and personality and want to improve ourselves is behind the perpetual acquisition of things, information being one of them. One thing is certain, with all the people out there, and all the time in the past spent creating and writing, there is no way that one person could absorb it all. That means that for one who wants to know everything that is going on in any particular field, or variety of fields their life will be spent accumulating information and there will be little or no time left to develop knowledge. This will lead to a life of being a walking encyclopaedia, which in the end of its days will be set aside for a new edition or used as a door stop or accumulate dust or sold for pennies at a garage sale. Of course there are those who have been born with a great mind and skill that no matter what they read or learn, they become a master of yet another art. Those are exceptions to the rule. Let’s deal with the rule for now.

The human with information, even immense information will at the end of his days, be nothing more than a few cents of carbon and water, with enough iron to make a 2 inch nail, a corpse, an empty dead vessel. Not only that, but it will cost a great amount of money to dispose of this lump of decaying flesh. But knowledge will take the soul to consciousness beyond the end of the body and propel it, stay with it, and be useful.

It is a personal choice, what do you believe. Is life simply being born, living and dyeing, with your achievements hopefully being great enough that your name continues and thereby you become immortal, even for a brief time. Or that you are perpetuated in your offspring generation after generation, until you are forgotten, or is there something that continues regardless of all that is material and human.

Obviously, the only choice that is relevant to the point of this writing is the latter. The next question if that was your first answer is, what continues. Is it information, or is the information wiped out and what has been done with whatever it is that continues that counts. Knowing by reading books on how to fight, or fly an airplane is of no use unless you have the skill. Knowing from reading how to run and remove a cancer without ever having trained by doing is not good enough to insure success. However, some experience, regardless of an immense amount of information will be more useful to keep one alive.

There is a story of two men on a ship. One was a scholar and the other a simple sailor. The whole journey the scholar was putting down the sailor because he did not devote his life to study and only spent his days on a boat. Then the boat hit something and was sinking. Sadly there where no lifeboats, as this was long before. The sailor turned to the scholar and asked if he ever learned to swim. The scholar replied that he did not waste his precious time with such activities. Such a shame said the sailor, because your whole life is about to be wasted.

You will never acquire all the information, and whatever you do get will be outdated within a month because someone else has to come with some new invention to make their mark in the world. One day you may look at all you have learnt and believed to be the greatest discovery, only to find in a short time after that it was replaced by yet a further great discovery. But look into your mind, think of what you have trained it to be, and then decide what you will do today and the rest of your life. What is more important to have or be, thinking from the perspective of what you believe you really are.

Information is only valuable if you use it to improve yourself or the world around you.Train your mind and be creative, be the innovator and not the regurgitator.

PARTNERS IN PAIN Январь 28, 2012

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BY HERBERT MTOWO

Ruth,Naomi and Orpah

Life has its ups and downs that’s for sure. Sometimes we can go months or years without too many major complications in our lives but eventually we all experience loss, grief, pain, or upset of some sort.I have known pain of loss,deaths,poor health,the pain of being scandalized,and I have known that pain in this journey of life. It’s not fun! Life IS full of challenges, pain, sorrow, and exhaustion. We are fighting off tigers and staring down mice all the time. In reality, I believe there is as much joy in the world as there is pain–sometimes it is just easier to see the pain.

Pain is often disruptive, uncomfortable, challenging and destructive at times, yet it is the most important pillar of personal growth.Pain is part of our life cycles as much as it is part of nature’s cycle. We need to be able to accept and deal with pain to improve ourselves and our lives. Often, this is easier said than done.

Do we welcome pain in our lives? Yes and no. The need to grow, reinvent or progress doesn’t come without challenges. It is in these challenges that we recognize we have to leave the designated comfort zone. We know change has to happen, yet we are reluctant to it because of the strangeness, unknown, discomfort or pain we are experiencing.

Change is therefore motivated by pain – not the pain we are facing when we transition to change, but the pain of staying in the same situation, accepting, knowing we cannot move forward. We don’t want things to stay the same, clearly. But which one of these pains will be less bearable?

The lesson we should all partake in life is to not resist change. As one personal development coach says, “The pain of changing now will always be less than the pain of staying the same”. It’s better to be proactive, then, and seek change before it finds us.

Such is the story of the trio, when their husbands died, Naomi, Ruth and Orpah became partners in pain. Unless you’ve been there, you can’t relate to it. It’s a fellowship that transcends age, race, background and status; it brings the oddest people together. When you’re hurting, don’t look for validation from those who haven’t walked in your shoes. People can’t give you what they don’t have. Often the best they have to offer is the kind of optimism that’s glib and quickly becomes annoying.

Until you can start to make sense of your pain and see the greater good in it, you’ll feel like a victim. But once you see God’s grace at work, and His purpose in it all, you can begin to move ahead…to marry…to have another baby…to get another job… to dream another dream…to live again. Spurgeon wrote: ‘Just as old soldiers compare stories and scars, when we arrive at our heavenly home we’ll tell of the faithfulness of God who brought us through. I wouldn’t like to be pointed out as the only one who never experienced sorrow or feel like a stranger in the midst of that sacred fellowship. Therefore, be content to share in the battle, for soon we will wear the crown.’

Giving up a familiar situation, quitting a safe-perceived but unrewarding job, breaking up a relationship that doesn’t work anymore is painful and launches our minds in a post-mortem “what ifs”. It is natural to feel that change is painful as it involves the loss of a current situation. The truth is that not changing is even more painful.

“Life is about growing. If you don’t change, you don’t grow. If you don’t grow, be prepared to feel massive amounts of pain. You see, life wants the best for us. It wants us to be the best we can be”, writes personal development coach, Dean Cunningham, in his book “Pure Wisdom”. In other words, life wants us to change and to experience the painful transition to change.

Most of us will yearn (even secretly) to change. This is either because we are already in a situation we don’t like or we want to improve aspects of our lives for the better. “If there’s no pain, there’s no impetus to change”, explains Cunningham. Although overcoming a personal challenge is frightening and uncomfortable, instead of treating it like an enemy, embrace it like a friend. It’s a golden opportunity to uncover deep, self-limiting beliefs and replace them with new self-empowering beliefs

When it feels as if all Hell has broken loose in your life, remember, Satan hasn’t snatched the steering wheel from God. No, God’s got it all worked out. Victory is born out of struggle. Be encouraged! God often accomplishes more through our pain than He does through our successes. So, hold on to His unchanging hand!

YOU NEED A BIG HEART TO FORGIVE !! Январь 25, 2012

Posted by Herbert Mtowo in marriage.
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Infidelity in marriages is a common issue. Surviving an affair is very hard on the couple as well as the entire family unit. It’s difficult to accept the fact that your husband cheated, but more and more women are deciding to forgive their husbands and move on. Why more women are deciding to forgive infidelity in marriages may come as a surprise to some. It takes great strength in character, plenty of patience and an open heart to forgive after being hurt so badly.

A very common reason women may forgive their husbands is because of their children. It can be very traumatic for children to see their parents break up. In order to save their children hardship, a decision to move on and leave the memory of infidelity behind is not uncommon. Therefore children are sometimes the catalyst which initiates the forgiving process and can lead you and your husband on the right track once again.

Another reason women are deciding to forgive infidelity in marriages is plain and simple. They still love their husbands despite the fact they have been hurt. If you find it hard to think of your life without your spouse, surely there are strong feelings there. The feeling of resentment or betrayal takes some time to diffuse, but then slowly, you come to realize the value of your relationship. Sometimes mistakes like these can make the relationship even stronger and bring a couple closer to each other. Discussing the matter and resolving the troubling issues will do wonders for your marriage.

Infidelity in marriages does not automatically reduce the affection and concern a couple feels for one another. Given the time and space, many women learn to forgive and start focusing on rebuilding their marriage. This is possible only if your husband realizes his mistake and is ready to make up for the damage he has caused to the relationship.

Forgiving your husband does not mean that you allow him to make the same mistake again. He should still be held accountable for his wrong doing and make amends for his behavior. Surviving the affair and forgiving allows you to bury the feelings of resentment and bitterness so that you can be as peace with the circumstances and move ahead.

If you are ready to forgive your husband’s infidelity, there are plenty of resources which can help the process of healing and gaining back the trust and intimacy. The choice should be made depending on how YOU feel and what circumstances YOU are in. If forgiveness is possible and required for surviving the affair then there is certainly no harm in giving your marriage another chance.

It is most important to remember, you should not make a decision in haste! Think about what you want and how you feel towards this relationship. There is no use staying in a relationship that does not give you any pleasure or companionship as it will only lead to more heartache and resentment. But if you truly love your husband and want to give it another try, there is hope in knowing many other couples have succeeded and are enjoying a loving marriage once again.