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Strengthening Marriages in Your Church 20 сентября, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Брощюры, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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by Ted Bichsel

An alarming number of Christian marriages end in divorce. What can the church do to reverse this trend?

I had just started my new position as an associate pastor back in 1983. There I was at a barbecue for the adult Christian singles. The majority of those attending were divorced. With each hurting conversation and each prayer of restoration, my burden grew for these singles.

Later that year, I sat in a small support group for divorced men and women, hoping to find how to best minister to them. One of the singles, perhaps sensing my dilemma, blurted out: «The best way you can minister to the divorced is to minister to marriages.» It was then that I realized that the greatest ministry I could have to the divorced single was to build strong marriages.

Many of us in ministry have seen marriage ministry as developing a series of events, banquets and seminars filled with behavioral challenges to «fix» marriages. In the 1950s, ministering to a married couple or to the family meant simply opening the doors on a Sunday. Add a bean supper and a church picnic, and you were set. That worked back then. But that is no longer the case.

In the new millennium and beyond, many church leaders are realizing that a dual-income, working couple is far less available for and interested in the covered-dish dinners of the past. The need level goes beyond the annual church picnic. Information and its application for first-generation Christians only scratch the surface of a truly effective marriage ministry.

CATCHING A VISION 

With the latest Barna study indicating a 50 percent divorce rate for those outside the church as well as those inside the church, the ministry for Christian marriages needs to stretch beyond methods alone.

This generation of Christian marriages needs a heartfelt vision—a vision to teach couples how to live out their marriage covenant every day. The vision must respond to the same Barna study that reported only 1 out of every 1,150 marriages of born-again Christian couples who have regular prayer together ends in divorce.

God put Adam in the garden with vision for him that included the bone of his bone and the flesh of his flesh, Eve. He declared that the two should no longer be two but one. Jesus said, » ‘What God has joined together let not man separate'» (Matt. 19:6, NKJV). Yet what I call the «separating dynamic» is found in much of the normal structure of our churches.

When building a marriage ministry, the questions should not be about the location or the event. The questions should be: Do we have a vision for marriage in our church? Do we know what the Lord wants the marriages and the families of our church to look like over the course of the next year? In five years?

I know that may sound presumptuous. Is it any more presumptuous than assuming that we need a Sunday school marriage class, a Valentine’s dinner or a family night simply because families and marriages exist in our churches?

We have goals for church growth. We have extensive stewardship plans. Outreach opportunities abound, and the ministry to children and youth seem up-front in many churches today.

Do we have a similar vision for each marriage? Do we have a biblical vision that reflects the growth and maturing of each marriage as couples begin to reflect the Lord’s heart? Do we realize the truth in the saying, «As the marriages go, so goes the church?»

We want to see couples become stable and fruitful—but is that enough? I found that our vision for marriage was too small, too limited and even too self-serving. The determining question remains: Are we equipping couples to seek out the vision the Lord has for their marriages? Or are we simply raising up people with no deference to their marital state to simply take care of the «work of the kingdom?»

I have found that the desire of the Lord’s heart is to shine through the married lives of His people. We are called in our oneness to reflect His glory. We are those earthen vessels to an unsaved world. In fact, the greatest opportunity for every healthy marriage to be used by the Lord is their ability to walk through the trials, the communication problems, the financial crises, the teen-ager problems and the rest of what life has for them.

A marriage ministry is not birthed out of helping problem marriages. A ministry to marriages should be based on a vision for each couple to hear the Lord’s voice and then to see where the Lord is calling them into obedience.

FRUITFUL MARRIAGE MINISTRY 

There is nothing wrong with having a marriage class, seminar or retreat. We have them all. But a healthy marriage ministry will focus on strengthening marriages, not just fixing marriage problems.

I began to teach a weekly «couples class.» The title alone immediately attracted singles and the divorced. We found that the classic marriage class is designed to fix the problem marriages. I wanted more than that. So we send struggling marriages to the marriage class in hopes that they will get better, graduate and then get back to work for the church.

The very title «marriage class,» along with the predictable subject matter, often defines «healthy marriages» according to a series of dos and don’ts, steps and conditions and understanding one another’s differences. After that, there is just getting through life with a new set of tools.

I changed the traditional «marriage class» Sunday school curriculum title to «couples class.» The next goal was to stretch beyond a standard behavioral focus. Roles, communication, conflict resolution, parenting 101 and the like, although part of the class, no longer were taught as a means to an end. The new focus was to identify and teach the steps in understanding and setting a vision for covenant marriage. Little by little, the class unfolded.

The foundation for a marriage vision is established upon our salvation in Christ. This seems so obvious, but to build a biblical vision of marriage beyond the behavioral changes, Christ has to be the center of both husband and wife if they are to grow in a Christ-centered vision. By knowing who we are as His chosen people, we realize that both our individual callings and our callings as couples are unique, determined and desired by God.

The classes grew each week as couples realized that this was a class for growth and envisioning, and not just repair. The sessions touched each of the traditional subjects with a new principle of growing a godly vision for one’s home and marriage. Communication basics now grew out of learning how a husband and wife see a vision differently. Discussions on security and significance grew from building a team effort for serving and honoring the Lord.

GROWING SPIRITUALLY 

A study through the fruit of the Spirit allowed endless lessons on growing one’s marriage through resolving conflict, changing attitudes and learning to respect one another. The biblical principles for marriage were no longer limited to passages such as Ephesians chapter 5. I found marriage-envisioning principles everywhere. Nehemiah’s prayer in Nehemiah 1:5-10 set a new understanding of covenant in a marriage.

Each lesson was taught in light of the vision the Lord was growing in each couple. The goal of simply being happy was not big enough. One by one, each couple realized that all the individual growth they could experience was equally limited until it was seen through the vision of the marriage relationship.

Couples began to move as one into the ministries of the church. One couple has successfully relocated into full-time missions work. Others have grown in a vision to reach out to their neighbors. Still others have begun to help as volunteers with other Christian organizations.

As couples grow in their marriages, their prayer life increases and the interest is no longer on survival or simply growing. The couples’ energy levels have been transformed into understanding and carrying out the vision for their families.

Husbands now have a goal, a tangible direction in which to direct their families. Wives see the bigger picture as they come alongside their husbands. Together, they learn about their unique callings. The fact is that our marriage ministry has grown well beyond the confines of a class. The growth is flowing over into many areas.

Now couples are praying together at the altar when prayer needs are shared. Husbands are encouraged by our leadership to pray in agreement with the pastoral staff as their wives come up for prayer. Couples now want tools to realize the vision before them. The traditional seminars and behavioral teachings are now passed through the «vision filter» so couples can better realize the greater calling and purpose for their marriages and for their families.

After four years of setting this vision for couples—and with the senior pastor setting it into the leadership marriages—the ministries of the church, the outreaches and the missions are all experiencing good «couples» fruit. Our vision for marriages is no longer limited to the crisis marriages. We now see the potential of envisioned marriages growing for the Lord as each one takes its place in His kingdom.

 

Making Marriage Ministry Work Outside the Classroom 

 

Here are some simple but effective steps you can take to strengthen your church’s ministry to marriages without increasing your staff or budget.

**Remember that a married individual is not alone—he or she is part of a couple.

In our effort to accomplish so many things in our churches, we often overlook the fact that a married individual needs to volunteer in light of his or her marriage, not in spite of it.

**Learn the names of the spouses and children of your leadership.

The more we as pastors show an interest in the marriages and families of our leaders, the more they will see their service in light of their families as well.

**Encourage couples to pray together. Invite spouses to pray with you as you pray.

One effective way to do this is to simply instruct a reluctant spouse how to pray, or in some cases, to invite them to pray in repetition after you. This models the importance of marriage and family prayer.

**Examine your divorce policy. Is it clear, and does it ultimately support marriage over divorce?

This is difficult but critical to ascertain, both for the married and divorced alike. People want to know where you stand.

**Offer a divorce recovery and educational track for those who have gone through divorce.

Perhaps your church can join with other churches and use some of the excellent material that is available, such as DivorceCare, for example.

**Develop a complete premarriage, pre-covenant policy.

The church should lay the foundation long before a marriage takes place. By establishing solid, vision-based marriage preparation, you communicate the high value your church places on marriages.

Consider requiring a couple to complete premarital counseling before even putting the date on the calendar. This will mean reeducating the church in some cases, but it is worth it.

**Encourage couples to serve together on various committees or in certain ministries that will help them to grow in their unified vision.

**Before placing a married person in any type of leadership, meet with the spouse as well. You may find that the very nature of serving may put additional stress on the marriage.

**For one month, listen to the «single» messages and the «marriage» messages you are sending out to the congregation. Do you apply all Scripture to the individual only, or do you make application to the oneness found in a marriage?

**Celebrate anniversaries. Announce them and even give out anniversary certificates. Always be open to the opportunity for the renewal of vows.

**Keep your own marriage growing. The growth in your marriage will spur you on to encourage others to do the same.

 

Resources for Developing a Healthy Marriage

The following books can provide you, your leaders and the couples in your church with invaluable insight in strengthening marriage bonds.

**Divorce Proofing Your Marriage: 10 lies that lead to divorce, 10 truths that prevent it by Linda S. Mintle, Ph.D. A licensed clinical social worker, Mintle helps couples have a healthy marriage. She confronts the lies that couples believe about marriage (marriage is a contract, or marriage isn’t about the mate’s family). The truths deal with such topics as resolving conflicts, understanding covenant, repentance and coping with an affair. This book is an excellent resource for couples, marriage ministries and small groups.

**Intimacy: A 100-Day Guide to Lasting Relationships by Douglas Weiss, Ph.D. Executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Centers in Colorado Springs, Colorado, Weiss explores finding sexual agreement, consistency in marriage, coping with money matters, dealing with the anger enemy and many other marriage topics. There is a 100-day log for couples as well as exercises for sharing feelings.

**Heal Your Past and Change Your Marriage by Paul and Kristina McGuire. Paul hosts a daily radio talk show in Southern California. The book leads with exploring the marriage covenant, followed by how to fight for your marriage in the Spirit. An excellent guide to taking steps to emotional healing follows, with teaching on sex and romance. This is an excellent resource for couples who want to grow spiritually through pain and hurt.

**Better Sex for You by Helen Pensanti, M.D. Host of the popular Trinity Broadcasting Network show Doctor to Doctor, Pensanti uses humor and frankness to help couples understand and discuss sexual issues in their marriage. This book was written to help couples maintain a long, healthy sexual relationship.

**Lord, I Wish My Husband Would Pray With Me by Larry Keefauver, D.Min. Larry and Judi Keefauver conduct marriage and parenting seminars in churches worldwide based on this popular book, which helps couples pray through and tear down walls of such things as unresolved anger, unfulfilled expectations, unhealed hurts, unkept promises and undignified communication. This is an excellent resource for classes and small groups.

**Can Stepfamilies Be Done Right? by Joann and Seth Webster. This stepmother/stepson team writes a very practical guide for blended families. This superb resource explores discipline, the role of a stepparent, dealing with the past and living through the three cycles of a stepfamily. It is a helpful and practical guide for blended families struggling through the many adjustments of living together.


Ted Bichsel is pastor of Smithtown Tabernacle in Long Island, New York.

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Finding Happiness 31 августа, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Today's Devotional.
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 by Katrinka Bootsman

«Come and see what God has done, how awesome his works in man’s behalf!» (Psalm 67:5)

The «real world» is all around us — and the «real world» is full of THINGS. Stores are filled with things that we are led to believe that we need. Advertising fills our minds with the idea that the more things we have, the happier we will be. I can remember a time when I thought that if I could have a new watch, then I would be happy. I got it and I was happy! But after a while it was just not enough. I really needed the new sport shoes I saw in the market. If I could have those, then I would be completely happy. I got them and I was happy! But after a while it was just not enough. There was the new television that would be all I needed to make me happy. I got it and I was happy! But after a while it was just not enough. I needed a bigger one with more speakers on it to make me happy! And on and on it goes in «the real world» around us. But the truth is that things cannot make us happy. No matter how many things we accumulate, we cannot accumulate happiness with them. Things cannot give our lives fulfillment and happiness, but RELATIONSHIPS can. Our God created the world and all that is in it, but that was not enough to give us the best life. In His love, God gave us the gift of Jesus, the only One who can truly make us happy! «This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.» (I John 4:9-10) Without this amazing gift, you and I could never rise to the heights of life that God wants for me. Things can never take the place of the RELATIONSHIP I can have with my Creator because of His amazing gift to me — Jesus Christ. A right relationship with God and our fellow man is what is important for true happiness. There is a line from a popular song that is very true: «People who need people are the luckiest people in the world!» «Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.» (John 4:11-12) There are times when the fog in our minds clears and we see the true picture of what makes our life happy. There was a man who had his heart set on a new car. He worked hard for it, often leaving his family alone so he could work longer hours to pay for it. Finally the day came when he bought it. Happy? Oh yes, he thought his joy was complete! About a month later, his wife and children died in a house fire. When he had left for work that morning in his new car, he had been relieved to get away from the noise in the house and out to the smooth ride of his new car. Coming home that night to nothing but ashes and silence, it all became very clear to him. His wife and children were gone forever and the car meant nothing anymore. The blessing of having a good RELATIONSHIP with God and man is all-important for happiness. The truth is that THINGS can never fill our empty hearts. LOVE can!

New minister survives pain, depression 10 августа, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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By Brian Bethel (Contact)
Saturday, August 8, 2009

For Reporternews

About 10 years ago, Brent Isbell, the new minister at University Church of Christ, was in a car accident that left him filled with anger and resentment.

“It was a bumpy time with God; I’ll be honest with you,” he said. “I wasn’t sure even if I was able to stand and walk and preach again; I wasn’t sure that I was going to have much good to say about God anymore.”

Even after all this time, it is difficult to talk about, said Isbell, who today steps into the slot occupied for 28 years by the church’s longtime minister Eddie Sharp.

At the time of the accident, Isbell was with Turnpike Church of Christ in Grand Prairie, where he served from 1996 to 2004. About eight miles north of Guymon, Okla., en route to see his cousin and his wife in Garden City, Kan., Isbell and his wife were in a serious head-on collision.

Melinda Isbell and the three people in the other vehicle only suffered bumps and bruises.

But Brent Isbell had to fight for his life, trapped in the car for an hour and a half.

“They had to get the jaws of life to get me out,” he remembers.

Careflighted first to Amarillo, then to Lubbock, he spent three weeks there in the hospital as physicians tried to “put me back together,” he said.

He suffered multiple fractures — one femur was fractured seven times. His right ankle had shattered. He had a broken hand.

Surgeries and intense physical therapy followed, and he spent six months unable to preach or even do much of anything, he said.

“Pain, painkillers, depression, the whole gamut,” he said, when asked to describe the period.

Now, as he returns to Abilene, where he got his first training in ministry, he can look back, follow the narrative that later emerged and see how months of pain and uncertainty became an unlikely but prodigious gift.

“Through the bitterness, God reached out to me,” he said. “He continued to answer my prayers. He continued to be present with me.”

Out that experience, he and his wife made their decision to adopt the first of two daughters from China.

“Somehow in this death experience, there had to be some kind of resurrection,” he said.

He describes the adoption of the couple’s first daughter, Jordan Mei Isbell, 8, in 2002 as a “marvelous, marvelous moment.”

It was a decision that positively affected every aspect of the Isbells’ lives, he said.

“Our marriage got so much better,” he said. “We became parents. Preaching got so much better. The truth is, I came out of the experience with a lot more to say about God than I had ever imagined. … I felt like I had come so close to death myself.”

He regards it still as a formative moment in his marriage, in his ministry and in his own personal faith, he said.

Sarah Lin Isbell joined the family in 2004. The children have two profoundly different personalities, their father said.

“Jordan, when we got her, was perfect, happy, lively and healthy,” he said. “When we got Sarah, she was sick. She had been in a very tough orphanage situation, and we got to go in and see that while we were there.”

Children in China are often abandoned in places where they will be found. Jordan was left at the entrance to a public market and Sarah at a bookstore in different cities in Guang Dong, the southernmost province of China.

Isbell said in a profile released to the church’s congregation that he and his wife reinforce to their daughters that the action was an act of mercy, “a beautiful courageous thing to make them available for someone to raise them to be safe and cared for.”

“We have a real heart for the plight of little girls in China because of the time we spent there and the experiences we’ve had,” he said Thursday morning at the church.

But he describes both as “jewels,” and in many ways their presence in his life influenced his decision to join University Church of Christ, which stands across the street from Abilene Christian University.

“We had concerns about raising children in the big cities, and we’ve always loved Abilene and we loved the school,” he said. University Church of Christ also happens to be the place his parents were married in 1961, he said.

Still, when the opportunity came up to go to Abilene, he had a bit of trepidation, he said.

“My first thought was that was going to be brutal — following someone with that long of a tenure,” he said, referring to Sharp.

But after time and prayer, he said, eventually the couple concluded the church might be a good fit.

Isbell, who made the decision to become a minister when he was in junior high school, comes to Abilene from Bering Drive Church of Christ in Houston, where he and his family served for five years.

As a minister, he has also served at Merkel, Ennis and Grand Prairie. He has also taught at the University of Houston as an adjunct faculty member in religious studies for four years.

He describes himself as having deep West Texas roots. Born in San Angelo, he grew up in Garland. After graduating in 1982, he went to ACU that fall.

His initial degree, earned in 1986, was in finance. But he started his first of three graduate degrees immediately thereafter, eventually earning a master of religious education and a master of divinity from ACU in 1988 and 1995. He received his doctor of ministry degree from Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary in 2002.

“Preaching just kind of fascinated me, the idea of ministry and what ministers do — making a difference in the world,” he said. “In many ways, it’s hard for me to remember a time when I didn’t want to go into ministry. It’s sort of been a lifelong call.”

Isbell said he has learned that most people “are about the same,” even if on the surface they can be very different.

“At our core, we all hunger and want for the same things,” he said. “We all have stories of pain; we all have very deep-seated wants and desires that sometimes we don’t even understand. Many of those are profoundly spiritual.”

Every day is different, and he has learned, he said, that God “pursues us, stays with us and loves us more than we can understand.”

University elder Billie Currey said Isbell’s background, including a desire to work with people of all ages, made him a good fit for University Church of Christ.

“He can relate well to our senior members, but at the same point in time, he’s demonstrated his interest in college-age kids,” he said. “He just brought a good combination of experiences then a vision for what a congregation that’s across the street from a university should look like.”

One goal for Isbell is to attract more college students from across the way. But Currey, an elder at the Church for 12 years and a member for more than 50, said that the church wanted to extend a greater outreach to those on the ACU campus, while also extending its relationship with the surrounding community.

“It’s a diverse brotherhood that we have in Abilene,” Currey said.

Lovemaking,Sexuality and Foreplay 9 августа, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Lovemaking, sexuality and foreplay
Herbert Mtowo

I always say to my fellow men that, “The body of a woman is like a musical instrument, it produces sound when picked up to be played.”The quality of the music is not determined by the instrument, but by the player himself. Most men are annoyed by the sound produced by the music not knowing that they determine the music coming out not the instrument. The instrument is just flowing with the way it is played. I have never played a guitar in my life, but if you ask me to play it, it will produce music and sound. But if you get a professional guitar player, you will hear that the sound and quality of music is different. May I put this forward to all men and women, Sex is an art which we are not born knowing. But we have to improve and work on it, to be skilful players so that the quality of music and sound is of great quality and standards.
What type of music are you producing through the instrument, body of the woman in your life, don’t jump to bed with every woman looking for better quality of music, you can make and produce the most beautiful music through that instrument(body),when you master the art of playing and improving your skill, that can be sweet to your ears and your partners Life is very stressful. There are so many things to do, and so little time in which to do them. So when it comes to love making, usually your time is limited. After a full day’s work and perhaps a full evening of responsibilities at home, you are weary.

When you go to bed, your desire for sex is there, but it is getting late. You must get some sleep or you will not be able to wake up in the morning. So what do you do? You rush through your love making and go to sleep. Men are the guiltiest of this. If you are a workaholic then you tend to rush through anything that is not work. So you scoff down your food at meal times and rush back to work. And you rush through your time of love making in the same way. Now as a man you might be able to cope with this. And you probably still enjoy the sex. It does not usually take a man long to reach orgasm. The sight of his naked wife gets his hormones raging, and if he is young and full of energy a few quick strokes will get him there. He falls back satisfied and drifts off to sleep, while his wife lies unfulfilled and frustrated. He did not bother to take the time to consider her feelings or to satisfy her desires. He thinks that he is a good husband, and he probably is a good provider. But he is a fool. He has not only denied his wife the opportunity to enjoy love making, but he has settled for less than he could have had. There seems to be a common idea that most men are crazy about sex and most women are not. This is largely because many women have never been given the chance to enjoy the sexual experience. The truth of the matter is that women are equipped to have a far greater sexual experience than men. A man, once he has reached a climax, cannot continue to enjoy the experience. He would have to wait and start all over again, if he is really energetic. But a woman can have several orgasms one after the other and continue to enjoy the experience even after reaching a climax.

So what is the best way to get the most out of your time of love making? Surely it is for the man to hold back until his wife has reached the same place of arousal as him. And then if he is really considerate, he will encourage her to reach orgasm first, if she desires to do so. For most men this is a difficult thing. When you begin to ‘climb the mountain’ you come to a point where it is all downhill. Once it starts you cannot stop it, and when it is over you cannot start it again. How do you overcome this problem? By the simple use of foreplay. This means bringing your wife to arousal before you complete the sexual act. How is this carried out? Many books have been written on this, and they all major on the physical side You get them in your email box daily. Those advertisements that promise you the best sexual experience you have ever had. For the man an enlargement of his genitals. For the woman an increased sensation to heighten pleasure.

Are there that many impotent and frigid people out there to justify all this of this hype that is made about the sexual experience? Or is this just another way to make people spend their hard earned money? There certainly are those who are unable to enjoy a normal sexual experience because of a physical malfunction, and where such a problem exists, and a doctor prescribes medication to correct this problem, such medication might be advisable. But for the vast majority of us, the truth of the matter is that we are not enjoying the sexual experience the way we should, and we are seeking some way of heightening it.
I teach on some powerful concepts on how to approach your love making to ensure that you obtain the most from the experience. You will find that if you develop your marriage relationship God’s way, then your love making experience will be wonderful, and the idea of taking some pill or cream to make it better will seem ridiculous. Most men need to know how to eat healthy than spend time on aphrodisiac boosters, good food, can improve your sexual performance as a men. Most men need to cut on their fat, sugar, oil, salt and other junk food intake. There is nothing that is a scary as being with a woman who is not getting enough or satisfied because the men is not doing a good job in bed.
You will find that sex is actually a spiritual experience, and the Holy Spirit will gladly become part of this, as you invite Him into your relationship. Sad to say there a millions of women and men who have not had or experienced quality sexual experience, in their lifetime. One of the major cause for divorce rates is infidelity. Why? I can simply put it that we have kept sex a taboo, topic to our detrimental.
Give me feedback on this topic and many others that we are sending to you, or please email or phone us for your feedback and comments or if you want seminars on these and other issues to be presented to a small group or big group.

 At your service,
Herbert Mtowo and the team behind Jordan Touch Communications.

jtouchcommunications@gmail.com
+264608007649

Misunderstandings In relationships/Marriages 7 августа, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Misunderstandings In relationships and Marriages

Herbert Mtowo

Your fiancée /husband and you are in the same room, but each of you are doing something different. You start talking to him, but he just ignores you.
«You’re so rude!» you think angrily to yourself, and then storm out of the room. «You can’t even have the decency to listen to me!»
Your wife(Annita) is about to go to work early for an important meeting. You kiss her and say good bye, and tell her that you’ll be backing her all the way. Annita walks out, and the next moment the door slams violently.
«What the heck is the matter with her?» you think, shaking your head in disbelief. «What did I do to deserve that?»
Irritations Will Happen
I’m sure you could relate your own version of little things that your spouse or partner has done that have irritated you and made you mad. It happens all the time, but almost always there is a logical explanation for it. You are usually just misreading the whole situation. If you’re a woman going through PMS or having a bad monthly cycle, I’m sure you will have more stories than others to tell. There are times when you are going through this period, your husband looks at you in a funny way or something and you just want to smack him! Take heart! There is a solution to this problem.
The first story about Herbert and Annita. On looking back, I realized that I saw the whole situation completely wrongly!I (Herbert) was at fault because Annita and I weren’t specifically having a time of sharing and communicating. Herbert was busy with something else and his mind was on that particular task. I just casually started talking, without even making eye contact with him so that he could see I wanted to talk. Herbert didn’t deliberately ignore me at all! He simply didn’t hear me, and I took it the wrong way.

In this story, the wife had nothing against her husband. In fact, she was thrilled that he was going to back her and stand with her! However, before she could shut the door herself, a sudden gust of wind did the job for her. This made it look as though she was mad at her husband, and he took it the wrong way too.

These types of incidents happen to every courting or married couple, but I want you to know that you don’t have to be defeated by them! You also certainly don’t have to go round all day feeling depressed and upset and getting all sorts of negative thoughts in your mind about it. Watch out, because someone will try and magnify the problem unless you deal with your own negative thoughts quickly!

Don’t Invite Bitterness In

You see, unfortunately no matter what happens to you, or what your spouse says or does that may upset you, you are responsible, for keeping your heart free of bitterness! Bitterness is such a powerful poison, and you cannot afford to let even a drop of it come into your marriage. If you do,the enemy will take that little drop, and will try and make it look way worse than what it really is! He will try to make you blow things out of proportion. You will begin to believe lies and think that things are really worse than they are.

Then you will do one of two things. You will either continue to seeth in anger for days, or if you get your courage up to confront your spouse about everything, you will blow up at him (or her) like Mount Vesuvius, and make things a whole lot worse too. I sometimes wonder how many separations or divorces have started over a simple, unresolved misunderstanding.

There is another good reason for dealing with your bitterness quickly, and that is if you don’t, you put a negative force on your partner that can be very destructive. Now not only do you have a bad day because you are mad, but because you are not flowing out in love towards your spouse or partner, they have a bad day too! When you look at it like that, it’s rather scary when you think of the consequences of your actions!

So what can you do about this situation now? You’re mad, upset, confused — whatever your emotion is at the time. Don’t let a silly little thing like this ruin your day. It is often not even worth confronting your spouse about. There’s a better way to sort the problem out. What is it? The minute you get angry or upset you need to deal with it right then and there, because if you leave it unattended to, it will begin to boil and bubble up on the inside and give you ulcers and gray hairs. It’s really not worth it.

You may be thinking, «Yes, but what if we have guests or something and he makes me mad by saying something that upsets me?»

That shouldn’t be any problem. Simply excuse yourself if you’re able to and slip away into the bathroom or another room. It will take you two minutes or less to solve! If you simply cannot do that, then whisper quietly under your breath. Whatever you do, try and deal with that anger right away.
Share In Love
When you have dealt with your own negative feelings as I’ve just shared, if you really want to, you can share it with your spouse later on when you come together specifically to talk and share about your day. Now you will be in a much better position to handle it. You won’t come with accusation and nasty words and probably cause a big fight in the process. You will come from the point of view that you had a problem. You will be able to share logically and find out if there really was a problem or simply a misunderstanding.

As I shared earlier, a lot of the time you will not need to even talk about what happened. It’s not worth even bringing it up. Besides, it’s much better to talk about positive things, like your desires, plans and aspirations and future plans together. If however, you feel that you really need to share things with your spouse that you are not happy about, and if it is becoming too much of a problem, then you need to carry out this Biblical principle: «Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.»

This is very important. I just want to remind you of it here though. If you can deal with anything that is negative and is still remaining in you before you go to sleep, then you will have succeeded in diffusing many potential problems in your marriage. Deal with it in love, then forgive one another and literally ‘put it to sleep’. By doing this you will rest well and wake up free of care, and with love in your hearts towards each other.

Let It Go
You blew it, you missed it!
You said some things you shouldn’t have.
You argued and you fought,
And ugly words were said.
Now your mind is trying to play
It’s nasty tricks on you.
You live the hurt and the pain
Again and again!
Give it up, let it go
And leave the past behind.
Give it up, let it go
And give to me that care.
The past is far behind.
Take my hand and walk with me
Into the future!
Whether you are married or just courting, may you and your spouse or partner be richly blessed together today and increase in every good thing, enjoy your partner to the full.

The Value of Good timing 5 августа, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Herbert Mtowo

The value of timing

You and me are products of the decisions that we make or have made in life.I wish it can be said over and over again,timing is an important skill,or virtue when it comes to determining your tomorrow.They say procrastination is the thief of time.So many people live in regrets over what they could have done,opportunities that they have lost.

We need to be strategically positioned,but above all else we need to very good and sharp when it comes to timing.Am sure we have all heard this statement,»Being in the right place and at the right time»I cant have said it better than this for sure,timing is crucial in determining your success believe you me.The friends you hang out with,your mind set all positions you to the perfect time,life is full of people who have done extremely well successful,mail becoz of their ability to seize the times that came their way.Don’t live life regretting,make very good use of your time.Have you ever thought and imagined why we only celebrate birthday once in a year and not twice per year..?It simply means that,make the best of the times that you have today.

The bible is also full,of men and women who maximized the time in various opportunities and circumstances.There is no need to feel left out,your time is there for you,but you may not know that or fail to make great use of it.Do what you can while you can.Read the following and begin to realize that above all else time matters most and timing is crucial to what you are going to be and achieve in life.
There is a time for everything. So says Solomon in his supreme wisdom. Yet timing is a lost art for most people, especially in our opportunistic culture today. So, do you understand “times”? There’s a lot in the subject of time and timing. So this is just an introduction to the topic. You will remember that end time prophecies refer to such things as “time, times and half a time” (Daniel 12:7, Revelation 12:14).
Jesus knew the times and said of himself, “my time has not yet come” (John 7:6,8).
Members of one of the twelve tribes of Israel, Issachar, were noted for their ability to understand the times, thus knowing what Israel should do in various situations (1Chronicles 12:32). Knowing the significance of times and seasons enables people to make the right choice at the right time.
King Solomon gave us a poetic celebration of the reality of times and seasons.
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
The most sobering reflection on ‘time’ comes out of the life of Elisha, the powerful prophet of Israel, approx 850 years before Christ. After this man of God healed the Syrian leper, Naaman, he declined to accept the lavish and valuable gifts offered him by the grateful military captain. Elisha’s servant, Gehazi, however, had no qualms about getting a share of the goods and so he secretly went to Naaman and asked for some of the booty, which Naaman happily gave him. When Gehazi returned to his post Elisha challenged him, since the prophet knew by divine revelation what Gehazi had done.
Significant in Elisha’s challenge to Gehazi is the issue of ‘timing’.
“And Elisha said to him, Didn’t my heart go with you when the man (Naaman) turned from his chariot to meet you? Is it a time to receive money, and to receive garments, and olive-yards, and vineyards, and sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and maidservants?” 2Kings 5:26
Elisha knew something about timing that Gehazi did not know. It was not the right time to get wealth. Gehazi’s problem was not greed, nor deception, but ignorance of the time in which he was living.
Now, considering how vital timing is in such a case, how well are we acquainted with timing and seasons in our lives? I suspect that most of us think opportunity is all that is required. If there is an opportunity to get something then the opportunity speaks for itself. Many people end up in some kind of curse, just as Gehazi did, when they act without regard for the times and seasons.
I suggest we all need to be much more prayerful and sensitive to times and seasons. We need to seek God for insight and revelation about how times and seasons impact our lives

Marriage Defined 4 августа, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Брощюры, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Marriage Defined

Posted by Herbert Mtowo

From the book, Mending Marriages by Chris Field.
Your working definition for marriage will impact what you are building and how you deal with it. The way you see something impacts how you understand it, value it and treat it. Consequently definitions are very important.
In my book, Mending Marriages, I take a good look at people’s working definitions for marriage. The reason some people need their marriage mended is because they have built the wrong thing on the wrong definition in the first place.
Casual observers see marriage as a ‘relationship’. That’s probably the universal starting point. However the nature of that relationship is where marriages come unglued.
To some people the marriage relationship is a special and life-long bond. Others have a much more casual definition of that relationship, seeing it as a temporary linking which will be broken when better or different alternatives come along.
A good working definition of marriage must bring clarity about the nature of the ‘relationship’.
The next key consideration is the functional aspect of the relationship. How are the couple to maintain their life together? What is the nature of their cooperation? While this is an aspect of the definition of the relationship it bears specific attention as it gives the practical expression of that relationship.
As an initial definition we can thus say that marriage is “a special relationship that fits special structural requirements”.
And that’s where the fun begins. What is the ‘special relationship’ and what are the ‘special structural requirements’? Around the world and through history many variations of both those aspects have been explored. Currently there is a push to move away from the history-long model of a man and a woman in a unique relationship. While alternative relationships have existed they have not been recognised as ‘marriage’, which status is seen as Holy Grail by some people.
Throughout history the ubiquitous model of marriage has placed the main responsibility for the relationship and its maintenance with the man. While modern sensibilities try to demean this reality it remains the most enshrined working model for marriage. Historically, all around the world, the vast majority of marriages have been established on the responsibility of the male, who creates a place of nurture for his wife and children. The wife is thus able to concentrate on her nurture of the children and her husband, while the man deals with the outside world and brings provision for his family.
In view of that long tested model it could be argued that the best way to destroy marriage is to demean men, taking their leadership from them. This will break up the family unit, bring uncertainty and insecurity and rob the home of the stabilising nurture of the mother.
Sadly we see much of that outcome already at work in many western families. While the western family home was a model of mutual benefit for the majority just a century ago, it is now an empty place, devoid of much that is needed to grace the human soul.
The most eminently qualified person to provide a powerful working definition for marriage is God. God created marriage and gave it as a gift to mankind. So God knows how it was designed to work. God knows what both husband and wife must do in order to fulfil the marriage relationship and build an effective family unit.
The Bible gives the most valuable and comprehensive insights into how marriage was designed and what we must to do enjoy its fullest benefits. The marriage relationship is best defined as that bond between a man and a woman which unites them in the relationship which God created for them.
Through the pages of the Bible we discover many things which impact the definition of marriage. We discover that it is God’s creation, not man’s creation. It is a holy union, not a relationship of convenience. Its purposes are divine, not human. Its roles are prescribed by God, not dictated by the power players in any given culture.
The bond is created by God, not the couple. A couple cannot pronounce themselves to be ‘married’. God joins the couple together. It is therefore a ‘holy estate’, not a social construct. And since God joins them together man and woman do not have the power to revoke it. God makes it and man cannot ‘un-make’ it.
God has prescribed specific and unique responsibilities to the man and the woman in marriage. These are not a matter of negotiation by the couple. They are prescribed by God and we will each be judged by God on how well we fulfil His demands, despite what we or our spouse think of the arrangements we have come to between each other.
The ‘relationship’ that is created, therefore, is a moral bond, established by God. It is not principally a social union, but a moral one. Each marriage union is a unique bond, excluding all others. It has the quality of a legal bond, since all who violate it are breaking God’s law.
The marriage union allows the couple to enter a unique moral connection where intimacy between them is made perfectly legitimate and holy. It confers on the couple exclusive sexual privileges.
Altogether, then, marriage is an amazing and awesome divine gift to humanity. Sadly many people do not understand what it is and so they enter into it lightly and without respect for their responsibilities or the accountability they have before God for their handling of His created union.
That’s why I bring the subject up along the way, in various forms. People need their eyes opened to this amazing moral union and its implications. That’s not just for their own sake, but for the sake of their spouse, their descendents and the culture in which they live. When God’s Kingdom comes it must impact the domestic home as much as the global environment or governmental circles.
Now, having given you this lengthy explanation, have a look at the definition of marriage which I present in Mending Marriages.
“Marriage is a unique, irrevocable, legal and moral bond created by God between a man and a woman who commit themselves to each other for life-long union, conferring on them exclusive sexual privileges and offering them loving relationship, mutual co-operation and personal investment in each other, in a divinely ordained structure and process in which both fulfil their unique, divinely created responsibilities, which they are to follow in the fear of God, with God’s gracious endowment and for God’s glory, conferring on them God’s personal blessings through each other as they create an effective and meaningful social unit with unique, multi-generational significance

Check Your Ego in Relationships 3 августа, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Herbert Mtowo

EGO IN RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE VERY DESTRUCTIVE I say something over and over again (because it is so important!): To be able to truly love yourself and love someone else, you must drop the ego. This is absolutely essential to finding an amazing relationship. It’s equally critical to maintaining and continually improving a relationship once you’re already in it. To Annita and several others in relationships, this is extremely important.Hope you find this inspiring and worth reading.. Nothing will kill a relationship — even the best of relationships — more quickly than ego. Here are five ways your ego can ruin your relationship, and how to avoid letting it happen. 1. Your ego is on guard duty. Resist the temptation to defend yourself. Think about the number of times you’ve fought with a significant other, and whenever things get a little heated you start to defend yourself. All you hear is yourself being attacked, and you immediately go into «defending yourself» mode. Do you know that when you defend yourself in a fight, what’s really happening is your ego is defending itself? It also means that you’ve stopped listening to the other person. If your partner tells you that they don’t like the way you’ve been acting lately, why not hear them out instead of defending yourself? It will almost always create a MUCH better outcome. 2. Your ego is stuck to you. To love yourself and someone else completely, you must separate the ego. In order to truly love someone, you must separate your ego from yourself. This is also true if you want to be able to totally love yourself. Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world, of course, so let’s get real. We are all ego-driven to some extent or another, so let’s acknowledge it and embrace that we need to detach the ego to cultivate and maintain a truly amazing relationship with someone. 3. Your ego hates feedback. The truth is that no matter how much you prepare, plan, and hope for a good conversation with your significant other, your ego is the one thing that will consistently ruin any conversation you’re about to have, if you let it. Let’s say your significant other is frustrated with you in one way or another and really needs to express something about that to you. How do you respond? If you let your ego get involved and you defend yourself, it means that you’re not listening to your partner. In order to really listen to somebody, it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes your significant other has things to say about you that you would rather not hear. To maintain a great relationship, however, you can’t let your ego keep you from truly listening. 4. Your ego is always active. You have to be willing to drop the ego and learn to have a healthy relationship. If you want to get deep with someone and take your relationship to a higher level, you must take your ego out of the equation. Your significant other is going to do things that you don’t recognize. It may be voices, patterns, communication styles, or other traits with which you aren’t familiar. You need to be open and willing to learn these things about your partner, and your ego will keep you from doing this every time. Most importantly, you need to learn your partner’s communication style, because many times it will be very different from your own. Dropping the ego doesn’t mean you need to change who you are. It can take a lot for you to drop your ego, to really listen to your significant other, and to realize that they need you to say something in a different way. A lot of people misunderstand these kinds of requests as being their partner’s attempt to change them. It’s not. They’re not trying to change you; they are trying to improve the way you communicate with each other. Don’t let your ego get in the way. Embrace this! 5. Your ego launches low blows. Do you get frustrated when you’re having an argument with your significant other? Of course, we all do. When that happens, though, sometimes the ego will cause you to hurl hurtful comments at the other person. You’re feeling hurt, so you lash out and say something you know will make the other person hurt, too. It was not only hurtful, but inevitably something stupid. By listening to your partner rather than lashing out from your ego, you can get through an argument without these low blows, and arguments will be much more constructive — not destructive — to your relationship. So the next time you see your ego getting involved in your relationship, get rid of it! If you find yourself defending yourself or not allowing yourself to really listen, then you need to take a step back. Listen carefully to what’s really being said, and use it to create the most amazing relationship

Effeective Communication In Realtionships 30 июля, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ.
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Herbert Mtowo

COMMUNICATION IS IT REALLY WORTHY IT?
I received an email recently about communication in personal relationships. My colleague asked this question, «Why is communication important in a relationship? Is it the most important part of a relationship?»Majority of relationships are affected simply because this important ingredient in a relationship isn’t cherished or existing anymore in most relationships. Communication in a relationship is like what water is to the body. You have to develop the art of communication, which I must admit doesn’t come over night. We all must be schooled and expertly taught and line this indispensable ingredient to see our relationships grow than stagnant and eventually die.
First, let’s agree that when we use the word communication we are referring to both verbal and nonverbal communication. Verbal and nonverbal language is an essential element for committed romantic relationships, friendships, business relationships, and virtually all other kinds of relationships. We depend on making ourselves understood to convey our wants and needs, likes and dislikes, thoughts and feelings — and to make requests of others.
We communicate nonverbally with our faces and our bodies. For example, when we are listening, we might tilt our heads a bit or lean toward the speaker. The speaker would likely perceive us to be interested and listening attentively.
Conversely, if we fidget, sigh, roll our eyes, or make any of a number of faces with our mouths and lips (you know what I mean!), we could be accurately perceived by the speaker as being in disagreement, contemptuous, critical, disapproving, etc.
We communicate verbally with the words we choose, with inflection, pitch, decibel level, and cadence. And make no mistake: A speaker’s attitude comes across loud and clear when he or she speaks.
Here are seven simple and easy tips for communicating more effectively in a relationship:
1. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
2. Do what you say and say what you do.
3. Your thoughts and feelings, needs and wants, likes and dislikes are valid and legitimate. It is your job to own your internal experience. That means identify what is going on for you inside yourself and find the courage to express it. Ownership implies that you know and believe that you are okay with who you are, and how you experience and react to your inside and outside worlds. Other people do not have to understand or agree in order for your experiences to be valid, legitimate, and respected. This is about you!
4. Other people’s feelings are also legit. Just as your thoughts and feelings, needs and wants, likes and dislikes, and internal experiences are valid and legitimate, so are those of others. You may or may not understand. Please, respect their experience(s). Your response? Agree to disagree. Accept without agreeing. This is about them! This is not about you.
5. Pay attention to needs. When a need is unmet, it becomes an issue. We have many opportunities to experience and express issues in our relationships. Common ways to respond, although unproductive and harmful, are to complain, blame, and criticize. Next time you experience an issue, try making a request. Identify what you need or want, or what you want someone to do or say differently, then make a request. Focus on what you want to happen, instead of what isn’t happening or what happened that you didn’t like.
6. Learn to tell your whole truth. Notice I didn’t say THE truth. Your truth is your recognition of what you are experiencing inside yourself and outside of yourself at any given moment. If you are experiencing an upset or a disappointment, you may know or understand less about what you are experiencing than at other times. Find the courage to say as much as you can about what you think, feel, need, and want. When you have more clarity or additional knowing, be sure to share them with you partner.
7. Be a good listener. Listening is an essential and valuable skill. Becoming a good listener takes time and practice and is enormously appreciated by others. When you are engaged in a meaningful conversation, say to your partner, «Tell me more.» This is a special invitation that conveys your interest and intention to listen and really know them and understand the issue.
Communication is one of the essential parts of creating rich, meaningful relationships. Communicating verbally and nonverbally in a kind, responsible, and respectful way furthers understanding and increases intimacy and trust. I encourage you all members of Jordan Touch , to learn the trade and communicate effectively and be ardent listeners. Love and Peace to you all.

What does it cost you to appreciate The one you Love or Others? 29 июля, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Herbert Mtowo

APPRECIATING ONE ANOTHER
You scrimp, you save, you wash dishes, mop floors, endlessly pick up dropped sweaters, towels, CDs, dirty dishes, endlessly put away said sweaters, towels, and whatever else needs to be done; regardless of how tired you are or how early/late/inconvenient it is — and that’s on top of your 40-stretching-to-50-hour work week.
Does your one-and-only appreciate it? Does he stop to say «Wow, good job! Sparkling clean dishes, great floors — thanks!» or «Gee, Honey, spot-free glasses and a neat house. You’re awesome!» Noooo. OK, so you can understand that others might take you for granted, but your live-in partner? Grrr.
And how about the effort you make outside the home? No matter what the morning was like (the cat threw up on the couch, you were out of coffee and Diet Coke), you square your shoulders, take a deep breath, and walk in to work with a smile on your face and your very best positive attitude. You do your job with 100 percent effort so you can keep your salary coming in and keep your job secure given the present economy. Again, do you hear any thanks for it? Do you get even an ounce of appreciation from your mate for your day-in-day-out work ethic? Noooo. All you get is, «Is dinner ready yet?» or «Did you check the oil in my car?» Grrr.
What does it take? How can you get your partner to appreciate you?
You need to appreciate your partner. Oh, I know that’s not the answer you were looking for. But you see, appreciation is an energy and it attracts like energy. As you start appreciating your mate, he/ she will begin appreciating you, and if you are persistent and consistent, they will eventually express their appreciation to you in dozens of unexpected and delightful ways.
How does it work? Appreciating is basically valuing, paying attention to, and acknowledging the worth of someone or something, and being grateful for how that worth contributes to your life. So appreciating becomes something you do proactively, before anyone has done anything for you. You’re simply recognizing their value and expressing it to them. You can’t wait until someone comes along and does it for you. You could be waiting — as you have — a very long time.
Mouthing an empty «You’re great» won’t work. It takes more than that. You have to identify the specific qualities and attributes that make up who your partner is, cherish them, and feel a deep sense of gratitude for them. Here’s a simple way to consciously appreciate your mate:
Take a sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle. On the left side, list the inner qualities and traits you value about him or her. On the right side, write down why you are grateful for each one of these qualities and traits. Spend some time, every day, noticing and valuing your mate. A moment or two is all it takes. And in case you’re thinking, «That’s a weird thing to do» or «Who has the time?» remember this is something you used to do for hours when you and your true love were first courting.
Now, tell your partner about it! Openly express your appreciation, in words: «What a great job you do around the house. I’m so grateful.» «Your idea about how we can cut back on household expenses is really good. Thanks, Dear.» And with touch: an unexpected kiss here, a quick hug there.
The more you express your honest appreciation to your partner, the more he or she will begin to see the value in you. Oddly enough, the answer to «Appreciate me!» is really «How I appreciate you.»

The reason most relationships/marriages die in infancy is simply because the two parties I the relationship don’t take time to appreciate one another. Everybody wants to be around someone who appreciates them first and foremost. Alas, we live in a generation whereby so and so are trying to improve on their partners,eventualy the gap between the two widens and tension begins to grow. We aren’t assigned to change our mates but love and appreciate them. When that happens they begin to glow and bloom like a fresh rose. Don`t keep changing mates it ain`t gonna work, love them and appreciate them so much you will begin to see a lovely and beautiful side you never knew of them. All the best good people.

For comments and contributions visit Jordan Touch Communications or email us on: jtouchcommunications@gmail.com