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FIRED UP BY SETBACKS !!! Январь 8, 2012

Posted by Herbert Mtowo in Inspirational.
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BY HERBERT MTOWO

Life is not easy, and you and me — like all people — are bound to face many challenges. But it is the hardships in life that make us stronger, as long as we come out on the other side. If it happens thta you are dealing with setebacks and hardships in your life, it’s hugely important that you learn to cope.Throughout a person’s life, they are faced with numerous obstacles, and challenges of different types. There are times, when you want to say to life I dont know about yu,but I have said this many a times: “Please give me a break. Just give me a chance to catch my breath.” But life doesn’t listen,life can be a very stubborn nut to crack. Sometimes, as soon as we raise our heads, it knocks us back down. Can you relate to a time in your life, perhaps even now…..,Does it seem like no matter what you do, things just don’t seem to be working in your favor?My life in particular, has not been an easy walk in the park!I have been knocked left right and center,struggled with poor health,deaths in the family,you name them. But through all, I find myself still moving on, though at times gasping for breath! (May be not at the exact pace I wanted… though).A wise close friend once told me,some years back,“After you have been knocked down or pushed back by life, you should acknowledge the setback, understand why it happened, and then make a leap ahead of where you were when you were hit. That’s how to become the person you always wanted and dreamt to be.” The bible says,»Unless a grain of wheat falls into the gound and dies,it shall abide alone,».[ food for thought this is] Most of us have experienced certain bad things that were quite simply put unfair. People can be cruel. Bad things do happen to good people. And you may find yourself in certain situations that are not your fault — but terrible all the same. Even worse, people will wrong us. And we sometimes do not act in accordance to our own values.When dealing with wrongs in life, you should learn to forgive. And that means forgiving others — as well as yourself. It’s important to know when to seek forgiveness from others as well.When facing setbacks, you will only get worse if you do not forgive. The anger and resentment will eat away at you and cloud your very existence. But the act of forgiveness can help you let go and move on.

One important thing to take note of is,the ability to focus on developing your spiritual life, as it will help you deal with all kinds of adversities. Key to facing hardships is faith and a sense that you really are not in control. Hold onto hope. Even if you have only a glimmer of hope, it can get you through some very tough times. Is there any person on this earth who has not faced adversity? Life can be good, but adversities are also part of life. How does one face them with equanimity? It is difficult if the extent of adversity is very high. But one has to live through difficulties and setbacks and come back in life to succeed again. A sudden accident can make one lose limbs. A man who makes his living with his hands, will surely feel very bad and devastated if he loses his working hand. How about the effect of the announcement by the doctor that your child has cancer? Can parents take this news calmly? They will most probably faint when they hear it first. Some adversities are such that they shatter lives forever. But strong will and faith can help one face and conquer many of life`s challenges.The break up of a marriage that one cherished and adored so much,the loss of children because of relational break-ups and not know wether one will ever see the children again. I dont know who has not heard of Helen Keller? Her blindness and deafness could not shatter her indomitable spirit. There are many instances of such people.

I read the testimony of Ben Tankard and was left wondering at the tenacity and resilence that is endowed in us human beings,which rises up from within during such times of pain and heartache. Ben lost the opportunity of playing basketball in the NBA,as a result of a knee injury,his wife walked out of his life,and many find ourselves in Ben Tankard`s situation.In 1984, while playing with a minor league basketball team in Canada, Ben was invited to a basketball camp where, he was told, NBA scouts would be present.“The scouts did see me play and were interested in me,” Ben said. “But I blew out my knee in the first workout and just like that it was over. There went my chance of being in the NBA.»Where Ben Tankard is today is a good place,but taught and schooled by pain.Acknowledged by many as “the Quincy Jones of gospel,” Ben is one of Christian music’s best-selling instrumentalists. Twentyone gold and platinum albums line the walls of his 23-room mansion—the result of songs he wrote and produced and his association with other artists in the industry. He has also received more than 50 Grammy, Dove and Stellar awards and nominations over the past 20 years, yet these tell only part of the story of how God has brought him through rough and tragic times.The vacation home in Florida; a fleet of vehicles that includes a limousine, a Mercedes and two motorcycles; two private airplanes which Ben pilots himself; and an unshakable marriage that is founded on God’s Word are a testimony, Ben says, to what God will do when you truly trust Him.“It’s not because of anything I’ve done—it’s all about God’smercy.Ben says unashamedly. “It humbles me because I know where I came from and I know who is responsible for me being where I am today.Desperate people do desperate things. At 21, Ben Tankard had become desperate.And he made up his mind not to sink but swim to the other side of the sea.”My word to you is hold on even when the future looks so bleak and gloomy. Looking back, Ben Tankard has learned a lot about sacrificial living.“The truth is, I never really lost out on anything,” he says. “It took me going through a lot of hard times in order to pass the test. I needed to wake up and realize God loves me, and that He anointed me for a purpose. Nothing was taken away from me, it was just delayed.”<[BEN TANKARD`S FROM TESTS TO TESTIMONY].

Let us look at the life as a moving vehicle. As we move, we pass many scenes. Some good and some dirty. But we sit though the journey peacefully and reach our destination. We mostly remain unmoved because — we are not directly pained by the scenes outside and our focus is more on reaching the destination. In any SETBACK, at least the second part can be applied. Come what may, our object should be to create a good life and live as an example for others. That should be our destination and that should be our motivation. Does everyone experience SETBACKS AND DIFFICULTIES in life? The Bible says we do. It even tells us to expect it. Look at some of the synonyms for 'expect': wait for, anticipate, look forward to, look ahead to, imagine, suppose, guess. So do we really do all of that with difficult experiences? If we're honest, we'll answer a resounding, NO! (and don't forget the exclamation mark!) When's the last time you looked forward to the next adversity in your life? In this fragile life many or should I say, most, are experiencing some sort of difficulties on a regular basis. I have a lawyer friend who always qoutes this statement in most of his conversations:"I earned my degree at the School of Hard Knox."? As a parody of higher education with respect to life, many have achieved inner wisdom and greatness by overcoming the perils of life through sheer willpower and determination to succeed.

Whether we believe it or not, we grow stronger through difficulties. Instead of beating ourselves up over perceived difficulties, we need to find resolve and learn to use "setbacks" to our own advantage. More often than not, we encounter hurdles to reflect on what it is we are doing in life, where we're going, and what we need to be doing. Sometimes, we keep running into the same encounters because we have not yet comprehended the message we were supposed to learn the first time. That's not necessarily negative; though we may perceive it to be. It is important to note, too, that while we may face difficulties on many levels and at different stages in our lives, we should never be partner to creating our own drama. We must rise above the setbacks that comes into our lives, and take a responsible view of what that event or person(s) is trying to convey to us.When we choose to learn from difficult situations, we are one step closer to becoming enlightened and one rung higher on the ladder of the strong character you'd like to portray and be.

Your earned qualification at the School of Hard Knox should be proudly displayed. The education and experience you receive in life is all part of the grand adventure of becoming part of the positive flow of Universal energy. You are what you create, and adversity is simply part of the equation to fulfilling personal and spiritual growth on all levels.look into the future with hope even when all hope seens to have left you,stay on and fight.BE REMINDED SETBACKS ARE PART OF LIFE,WE ALL, WILL HAVE <

Lovemaking,Sexuality and Foreplay Август 9, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Lovemaking, sexuality and foreplay
Herbert Mtowo

I always say to my fellow men that, “The body of a woman is like a musical instrument, it produces sound when picked up to be played.”The quality of the music is not determined by the instrument, but by the player himself. Most men are annoyed by the sound produced by the music not knowing that they determine the music coming out not the instrument. The instrument is just flowing with the way it is played. I have never played a guitar in my life, but if you ask me to play it, it will produce music and sound. But if you get a professional guitar player, you will hear that the sound and quality of music is different. May I put this forward to all men and women, Sex is an art which we are not born knowing. But we have to improve and work on it, to be skilful players so that the quality of music and sound is of great quality and standards.
What type of music are you producing through the instrument, body of the woman in your life, don’t jump to bed with every woman looking for better quality of music, you can make and produce the most beautiful music through that instrument(body),when you master the art of playing and improving your skill, that can be sweet to your ears and your partners Life is very stressful. There are so many things to do, and so little time in which to do them. So when it comes to love making, usually your time is limited. After a full day’s work and perhaps a full evening of responsibilities at home, you are weary.

When you go to bed, your desire for sex is there, but it is getting late. You must get some sleep or you will not be able to wake up in the morning. So what do you do? You rush through your love making and go to sleep. Men are the guiltiest of this. If you are a workaholic then you tend to rush through anything that is not work. So you scoff down your food at meal times and rush back to work. And you rush through your time of love making in the same way. Now as a man you might be able to cope with this. And you probably still enjoy the sex. It does not usually take a man long to reach orgasm. The sight of his naked wife gets his hormones raging, and if he is young and full of energy a few quick strokes will get him there. He falls back satisfied and drifts off to sleep, while his wife lies unfulfilled and frustrated. He did not bother to take the time to consider her feelings or to satisfy her desires. He thinks that he is a good husband, and he probably is a good provider. But he is a fool. He has not only denied his wife the opportunity to enjoy love making, but he has settled for less than he could have had. There seems to be a common idea that most men are crazy about sex and most women are not. This is largely because many women have never been given the chance to enjoy the sexual experience. The truth of the matter is that women are equipped to have a far greater sexual experience than men. A man, once he has reached a climax, cannot continue to enjoy the experience. He would have to wait and start all over again, if he is really energetic. But a woman can have several orgasms one after the other and continue to enjoy the experience even after reaching a climax.

So what is the best way to get the most out of your time of love making? Surely it is for the man to hold back until his wife has reached the same place of arousal as him. And then if he is really considerate, he will encourage her to reach orgasm first, if she desires to do so. For most men this is a difficult thing. When you begin to ‘climb the mountain’ you come to a point where it is all downhill. Once it starts you cannot stop it, and when it is over you cannot start it again. How do you overcome this problem? By the simple use of foreplay. This means bringing your wife to arousal before you complete the sexual act. How is this carried out? Many books have been written on this, and they all major on the physical side You get them in your email box daily. Those advertisements that promise you the best sexual experience you have ever had. For the man an enlargement of his genitals. For the woman an increased sensation to heighten pleasure.

Are there that many impotent and frigid people out there to justify all this of this hype that is made about the sexual experience? Or is this just another way to make people spend their hard earned money? There certainly are those who are unable to enjoy a normal sexual experience because of a physical malfunction, and where such a problem exists, and a doctor prescribes medication to correct this problem, such medication might be advisable. But for the vast majority of us, the truth of the matter is that we are not enjoying the sexual experience the way we should, and we are seeking some way of heightening it.
I teach on some powerful concepts on how to approach your love making to ensure that you obtain the most from the experience. You will find that if you develop your marriage relationship God’s way, then your love making experience will be wonderful, and the idea of taking some pill or cream to make it better will seem ridiculous. Most men need to know how to eat healthy than spend time on aphrodisiac boosters, good food, can improve your sexual performance as a men. Most men need to cut on their fat, sugar, oil, salt and other junk food intake. There is nothing that is a scary as being with a woman who is not getting enough or satisfied because the men is not doing a good job in bed.
You will find that sex is actually a spiritual experience, and the Holy Spirit will gladly become part of this, as you invite Him into your relationship. Sad to say there a millions of women and men who have not had or experienced quality sexual experience, in their lifetime. One of the major cause for divorce rates is infidelity. Why? I can simply put it that we have kept sex a taboo, topic to our detrimental.
Give me feedback on this topic and many others that we are sending to you, or please email or phone us for your feedback and comments or if you want seminars on these and other issues to be presented to a small group or big group.

 At your service,
Herbert Mtowo and the team behind Jordan Touch Communications.

jtouchcommunications@gmail.com
+264608007649

Misunderstandings In relationships/Marriages Август 7, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Misunderstandings In relationships and Marriages

Herbert Mtowo

Your fiancée /husband and you are in the same room, but each of you are doing something different. You start talking to him, but he just ignores you.
«You’re so rude!» you think angrily to yourself, and then storm out of the room. «You can’t even have the decency to listen to me!»
Your wife(Annita) is about to go to work early for an important meeting. You kiss her and say good bye, and tell her that you’ll be backing her all the way. Annita walks out, and the next moment the door slams violently.
«What the heck is the matter with her?» you think, shaking your head in disbelief. «What did I do to deserve that?»
Irritations Will Happen
I’m sure you could relate your own version of little things that your spouse or partner has done that have irritated you and made you mad. It happens all the time, but almost always there is a logical explanation for it. You are usually just misreading the whole situation. If you’re a woman going through PMS or having a bad monthly cycle, I’m sure you will have more stories than others to tell. There are times when you are going through this period, your husband looks at you in a funny way or something and you just want to smack him! Take heart! There is a solution to this problem.
The first story about Herbert and Annita. On looking back, I realized that I saw the whole situation completely wrongly!I (Herbert) was at fault because Annita and I weren’t specifically having a time of sharing and communicating. Herbert was busy with something else and his mind was on that particular task. I just casually started talking, without even making eye contact with him so that he could see I wanted to talk. Herbert didn’t deliberately ignore me at all! He simply didn’t hear me, and I took it the wrong way.

In this story, the wife had nothing against her husband. In fact, she was thrilled that he was going to back her and stand with her! However, before she could shut the door herself, a sudden gust of wind did the job for her. This made it look as though she was mad at her husband, and he took it the wrong way too.

These types of incidents happen to every courting or married couple, but I want you to know that you don’t have to be defeated by them! You also certainly don’t have to go round all day feeling depressed and upset and getting all sorts of negative thoughts in your mind about it. Watch out, because someone will try and magnify the problem unless you deal with your own negative thoughts quickly!

Don’t Invite Bitterness In

You see, unfortunately no matter what happens to you, or what your spouse says or does that may upset you, you are responsible, for keeping your heart free of bitterness! Bitterness is such a powerful poison, and you cannot afford to let even a drop of it come into your marriage. If you do,the enemy will take that little drop, and will try and make it look way worse than what it really is! He will try to make you blow things out of proportion. You will begin to believe lies and think that things are really worse than they are.

Then you will do one of two things. You will either continue to seeth in anger for days, or if you get your courage up to confront your spouse about everything, you will blow up at him (or her) like Mount Vesuvius, and make things a whole lot worse too. I sometimes wonder how many separations or divorces have started over a simple, unresolved misunderstanding.

There is another good reason for dealing with your bitterness quickly, and that is if you don’t, you put a negative force on your partner that can be very destructive. Now not only do you have a bad day because you are mad, but because you are not flowing out in love towards your spouse or partner, they have a bad day too! When you look at it like that, it’s rather scary when you think of the consequences of your actions!

So what can you do about this situation now? You’re mad, upset, confused — whatever your emotion is at the time. Don’t let a silly little thing like this ruin your day. It is often not even worth confronting your spouse about. There’s a better way to sort the problem out. What is it? The minute you get angry or upset you need to deal with it right then and there, because if you leave it unattended to, it will begin to boil and bubble up on the inside and give you ulcers and gray hairs. It’s really not worth it.

You may be thinking, «Yes, but what if we have guests or something and he makes me mad by saying something that upsets me?»

That shouldn’t be any problem. Simply excuse yourself if you’re able to and slip away into the bathroom or another room. It will take you two minutes or less to solve! If you simply cannot do that, then whisper quietly under your breath. Whatever you do, try and deal with that anger right away.
Share In Love
When you have dealt with your own negative feelings as I’ve just shared, if you really want to, you can share it with your spouse later on when you come together specifically to talk and share about your day. Now you will be in a much better position to handle it. You won’t come with accusation and nasty words and probably cause a big fight in the process. You will come from the point of view that you had a problem. You will be able to share logically and find out if there really was a problem or simply a misunderstanding.

As I shared earlier, a lot of the time you will not need to even talk about what happened. It’s not worth even bringing it up. Besides, it’s much better to talk about positive things, like your desires, plans and aspirations and future plans together. If however, you feel that you really need to share things with your spouse that you are not happy about, and if it is becoming too much of a problem, then you need to carry out this Biblical principle: «Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.»

This is very important. I just want to remind you of it here though. If you can deal with anything that is negative and is still remaining in you before you go to sleep, then you will have succeeded in diffusing many potential problems in your marriage. Deal with it in love, then forgive one another and literally ‘put it to sleep’. By doing this you will rest well and wake up free of care, and with love in your hearts towards each other.

Let It Go
You blew it, you missed it!
You said some things you shouldn’t have.
You argued and you fought,
And ugly words were said.
Now your mind is trying to play
It’s nasty tricks on you.
You live the hurt and the pain
Again and again!
Give it up, let it go
And leave the past behind.
Give it up, let it go
And give to me that care.
The past is far behind.
Take my hand and walk with me
Into the future!
Whether you are married or just courting, may you and your spouse or partner be richly blessed together today and increase in every good thing, enjoy your partner to the full.

The Value of Good timing Август 5, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Herbert Mtowo

The value of timing

You and me are products of the decisions that we make or have made in life.I wish it can be said over and over again,timing is an important skill,or virtue when it comes to determining your tomorrow.They say procrastination is the thief of time.So many people live in regrets over what they could have done,opportunities that they have lost.

We need to be strategically positioned,but above all else we need to very good and sharp when it comes to timing.Am sure we have all heard this statement,»Being in the right place and at the right time»I cant have said it better than this for sure,timing is crucial in determining your success believe you me.The friends you hang out with,your mind set all positions you to the perfect time,life is full of people who have done extremely well successful,mail becoz of their ability to seize the times that came their way.Don’t live life regretting,make very good use of your time.Have you ever thought and imagined why we only celebrate birthday once in a year and not twice per year..?It simply means that,make the best of the times that you have today.

The bible is also full,of men and women who maximized the time in various opportunities and circumstances.There is no need to feel left out,your time is there for you,but you may not know that or fail to make great use of it.Do what you can while you can.Read the following and begin to realize that above all else time matters most and timing is crucial to what you are going to be and achieve in life.
There is a time for everything. So says Solomon in his supreme wisdom. Yet timing is a lost art for most people, especially in our opportunistic culture today. So, do you understand “times”? There’s a lot in the subject of time and timing. So this is just an introduction to the topic. You will remember that end time prophecies refer to such things as “time, times and half a time” (Daniel 12:7, Revelation 12:14).
Jesus knew the times and said of himself, “my time has not yet come” (John 7:6,8).
Members of one of the twelve tribes of Israel, Issachar, were noted for their ability to understand the times, thus knowing what Israel should do in various situations (1Chronicles 12:32). Knowing the significance of times and seasons enables people to make the right choice at the right time.
King Solomon gave us a poetic celebration of the reality of times and seasons.
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
The most sobering reflection on ‘time’ comes out of the life of Elisha, the powerful prophet of Israel, approx 850 years before Christ. After this man of God healed the Syrian leper, Naaman, he declined to accept the lavish and valuable gifts offered him by the grateful military captain. Elisha’s servant, Gehazi, however, had no qualms about getting a share of the goods and so he secretly went to Naaman and asked for some of the booty, which Naaman happily gave him. When Gehazi returned to his post Elisha challenged him, since the prophet knew by divine revelation what Gehazi had done.
Significant in Elisha’s challenge to Gehazi is the issue of ‘timing’.
“And Elisha said to him, Didn’t my heart go with you when the man (Naaman) turned from his chariot to meet you? Is it a time to receive money, and to receive garments, and olive-yards, and vineyards, and sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and maidservants?” 2Kings 5:26
Elisha knew something about timing that Gehazi did not know. It was not the right time to get wealth. Gehazi’s problem was not greed, nor deception, but ignorance of the time in which he was living.
Now, considering how vital timing is in such a case, how well are we acquainted with timing and seasons in our lives? I suspect that most of us think opportunity is all that is required. If there is an opportunity to get something then the opportunity speaks for itself. Many people end up in some kind of curse, just as Gehazi did, when they act without regard for the times and seasons.
I suggest we all need to be much more prayerful and sensitive to times and seasons. We need to seek God for insight and revelation about how times and seasons impact our lives

Marriage Defined Август 4, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Брощюры, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Marriage Defined

Posted by Herbert Mtowo

From the book, Mending Marriages by Chris Field.
Your working definition for marriage will impact what you are building and how you deal with it. The way you see something impacts how you understand it, value it and treat it. Consequently definitions are very important.
In my book, Mending Marriages, I take a good look at people’s working definitions for marriage. The reason some people need their marriage mended is because they have built the wrong thing on the wrong definition in the first place.
Casual observers see marriage as a ‘relationship’. That’s probably the universal starting point. However the nature of that relationship is where marriages come unglued.
To some people the marriage relationship is a special and life-long bond. Others have a much more casual definition of that relationship, seeing it as a temporary linking which will be broken when better or different alternatives come along.
A good working definition of marriage must bring clarity about the nature of the ‘relationship’.
The next key consideration is the functional aspect of the relationship. How are the couple to maintain their life together? What is the nature of their cooperation? While this is an aspect of the definition of the relationship it bears specific attention as it gives the practical expression of that relationship.
As an initial definition we can thus say that marriage is “a special relationship that fits special structural requirements”.
And that’s where the fun begins. What is the ‘special relationship’ and what are the ‘special structural requirements’? Around the world and through history many variations of both those aspects have been explored. Currently there is a push to move away from the history-long model of a man and a woman in a unique relationship. While alternative relationships have existed they have not been recognised as ‘marriage’, which status is seen as Holy Grail by some people.
Throughout history the ubiquitous model of marriage has placed the main responsibility for the relationship and its maintenance with the man. While modern sensibilities try to demean this reality it remains the most enshrined working model for marriage. Historically, all around the world, the vast majority of marriages have been established on the responsibility of the male, who creates a place of nurture for his wife and children. The wife is thus able to concentrate on her nurture of the children and her husband, while the man deals with the outside world and brings provision for his family.
In view of that long tested model it could be argued that the best way to destroy marriage is to demean men, taking their leadership from them. This will break up the family unit, bring uncertainty and insecurity and rob the home of the stabilising nurture of the mother.
Sadly we see much of that outcome already at work in many western families. While the western family home was a model of mutual benefit for the majority just a century ago, it is now an empty place, devoid of much that is needed to grace the human soul.
The most eminently qualified person to provide a powerful working definition for marriage is God. God created marriage and gave it as a gift to mankind. So God knows how it was designed to work. God knows what both husband and wife must do in order to fulfil the marriage relationship and build an effective family unit.
The Bible gives the most valuable and comprehensive insights into how marriage was designed and what we must to do enjoy its fullest benefits. The marriage relationship is best defined as that bond between a man and a woman which unites them in the relationship which God created for them.
Through the pages of the Bible we discover many things which impact the definition of marriage. We discover that it is God’s creation, not man’s creation. It is a holy union, not a relationship of convenience. Its purposes are divine, not human. Its roles are prescribed by God, not dictated by the power players in any given culture.
The bond is created by God, not the couple. A couple cannot pronounce themselves to be ‘married’. God joins the couple together. It is therefore a ‘holy estate’, not a social construct. And since God joins them together man and woman do not have the power to revoke it. God makes it and man cannot ‘un-make’ it.
God has prescribed specific and unique responsibilities to the man and the woman in marriage. These are not a matter of negotiation by the couple. They are prescribed by God and we will each be judged by God on how well we fulfil His demands, despite what we or our spouse think of the arrangements we have come to between each other.
The ‘relationship’ that is created, therefore, is a moral bond, established by God. It is not principally a social union, but a moral one. Each marriage union is a unique bond, excluding all others. It has the quality of a legal bond, since all who violate it are breaking God’s law.
The marriage union allows the couple to enter a unique moral connection where intimacy between them is made perfectly legitimate and holy. It confers on the couple exclusive sexual privileges.
Altogether, then, marriage is an amazing and awesome divine gift to humanity. Sadly many people do not understand what it is and so they enter into it lightly and without respect for their responsibilities or the accountability they have before God for their handling of His created union.
That’s why I bring the subject up along the way, in various forms. People need their eyes opened to this amazing moral union and its implications. That’s not just for their own sake, but for the sake of their spouse, their descendents and the culture in which they live. When God’s Kingdom comes it must impact the domestic home as much as the global environment or governmental circles.
Now, having given you this lengthy explanation, have a look at the definition of marriage which I present in Mending Marriages.
“Marriage is a unique, irrevocable, legal and moral bond created by God between a man and a woman who commit themselves to each other for life-long union, conferring on them exclusive sexual privileges and offering them loving relationship, mutual co-operation and personal investment in each other, in a divinely ordained structure and process in which both fulfil their unique, divinely created responsibilities, which they are to follow in the fear of God, with God’s gracious endowment and for God’s glory, conferring on them God’s personal blessings through each other as they create an effective and meaningful social unit with unique, multi-generational significance

Check Your Ego in Relationships Август 3, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Herbert Mtowo

EGO IN RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE VERY DESTRUCTIVE I say something over and over again (because it is so important!): To be able to truly love yourself and love someone else, you must drop the ego. This is absolutely essential to finding an amazing relationship. It’s equally critical to maintaining and continually improving a relationship once you’re already in it. To Annita and several others in relationships, this is extremely important.Hope you find this inspiring and worth reading.. Nothing will kill a relationship — even the best of relationships — more quickly than ego. Here are five ways your ego can ruin your relationship, and how to avoid letting it happen. 1. Your ego is on guard duty. Resist the temptation to defend yourself. Think about the number of times you’ve fought with a significant other, and whenever things get a little heated you start to defend yourself. All you hear is yourself being attacked, and you immediately go into «defending yourself» mode. Do you know that when you defend yourself in a fight, what’s really happening is your ego is defending itself? It also means that you’ve stopped listening to the other person. If your partner tells you that they don’t like the way you’ve been acting lately, why not hear them out instead of defending yourself? It will almost always create a MUCH better outcome. 2. Your ego is stuck to you. To love yourself and someone else completely, you must separate the ego. In order to truly love someone, you must separate your ego from yourself. This is also true if you want to be able to totally love yourself. Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world, of course, so let’s get real. We are all ego-driven to some extent or another, so let’s acknowledge it and embrace that we need to detach the ego to cultivate and maintain a truly amazing relationship with someone. 3. Your ego hates feedback. The truth is that no matter how much you prepare, plan, and hope for a good conversation with your significant other, your ego is the one thing that will consistently ruin any conversation you’re about to have, if you let it. Let’s say your significant other is frustrated with you in one way or another and really needs to express something about that to you. How do you respond? If you let your ego get involved and you defend yourself, it means that you’re not listening to your partner. In order to really listen to somebody, it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes your significant other has things to say about you that you would rather not hear. To maintain a great relationship, however, you can’t let your ego keep you from truly listening. 4. Your ego is always active. You have to be willing to drop the ego and learn to have a healthy relationship. If you want to get deep with someone and take your relationship to a higher level, you must take your ego out of the equation. Your significant other is going to do things that you don’t recognize. It may be voices, patterns, communication styles, or other traits with which you aren’t familiar. You need to be open and willing to learn these things about your partner, and your ego will keep you from doing this every time. Most importantly, you need to learn your partner’s communication style, because many times it will be very different from your own. Dropping the ego doesn’t mean you need to change who you are. It can take a lot for you to drop your ego, to really listen to your significant other, and to realize that they need you to say something in a different way. A lot of people misunderstand these kinds of requests as being their partner’s attempt to change them. It’s not. They’re not trying to change you; they are trying to improve the way you communicate with each other. Don’t let your ego get in the way. Embrace this! 5. Your ego launches low blows. Do you get frustrated when you’re having an argument with your significant other? Of course, we all do. When that happens, though, sometimes the ego will cause you to hurl hurtful comments at the other person. You’re feeling hurt, so you lash out and say something you know will make the other person hurt, too. It was not only hurtful, but inevitably something stupid. By listening to your partner rather than lashing out from your ego, you can get through an argument without these low blows, and arguments will be much more constructive — not destructive — to your relationship. So the next time you see your ego getting involved in your relationship, get rid of it! If you find yourself defending yourself or not allowing yourself to really listen, then you need to take a step back. Listen carefully to what’s really being said, and use it to create the most amazing relationship

Effeective Communication In Realtionships Июль 30, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ.
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Herbert Mtowo

COMMUNICATION IS IT REALLY WORTHY IT?
I received an email recently about communication in personal relationships. My colleague asked this question, «Why is communication important in a relationship? Is it the most important part of a relationship?»Majority of relationships are affected simply because this important ingredient in a relationship isn’t cherished or existing anymore in most relationships. Communication in a relationship is like what water is to the body. You have to develop the art of communication, which I must admit doesn’t come over night. We all must be schooled and expertly taught and line this indispensable ingredient to see our relationships grow than stagnant and eventually die.
First, let’s agree that when we use the word communication we are referring to both verbal and nonverbal communication. Verbal and nonverbal language is an essential element for committed romantic relationships, friendships, business relationships, and virtually all other kinds of relationships. We depend on making ourselves understood to convey our wants and needs, likes and dislikes, thoughts and feelings — and to make requests of others.
We communicate nonverbally with our faces and our bodies. For example, when we are listening, we might tilt our heads a bit or lean toward the speaker. The speaker would likely perceive us to be interested and listening attentively.
Conversely, if we fidget, sigh, roll our eyes, or make any of a number of faces with our mouths and lips (you know what I mean!), we could be accurately perceived by the speaker as being in disagreement, contemptuous, critical, disapproving, etc.
We communicate verbally with the words we choose, with inflection, pitch, decibel level, and cadence. And make no mistake: A speaker’s attitude comes across loud and clear when he or she speaks.
Here are seven simple and easy tips for communicating more effectively in a relationship:
1. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
2. Do what you say and say what you do.
3. Your thoughts and feelings, needs and wants, likes and dislikes are valid and legitimate. It is your job to own your internal experience. That means identify what is going on for you inside yourself and find the courage to express it. Ownership implies that you know and believe that you are okay with who you are, and how you experience and react to your inside and outside worlds. Other people do not have to understand or agree in order for your experiences to be valid, legitimate, and respected. This is about you!
4. Other people’s feelings are also legit. Just as your thoughts and feelings, needs and wants, likes and dislikes, and internal experiences are valid and legitimate, so are those of others. You may or may not understand. Please, respect their experience(s). Your response? Agree to disagree. Accept without agreeing. This is about them! This is not about you.
5. Pay attention to needs. When a need is unmet, it becomes an issue. We have many opportunities to experience and express issues in our relationships. Common ways to respond, although unproductive and harmful, are to complain, blame, and criticize. Next time you experience an issue, try making a request. Identify what you need or want, or what you want someone to do or say differently, then make a request. Focus on what you want to happen, instead of what isn’t happening or what happened that you didn’t like.
6. Learn to tell your whole truth. Notice I didn’t say THE truth. Your truth is your recognition of what you are experiencing inside yourself and outside of yourself at any given moment. If you are experiencing an upset or a disappointment, you may know or understand less about what you are experiencing than at other times. Find the courage to say as much as you can about what you think, feel, need, and want. When you have more clarity or additional knowing, be sure to share them with you partner.
7. Be a good listener. Listening is an essential and valuable skill. Becoming a good listener takes time and practice and is enormously appreciated by others. When you are engaged in a meaningful conversation, say to your partner, «Tell me more.» This is a special invitation that conveys your interest and intention to listen and really know them and understand the issue.
Communication is one of the essential parts of creating rich, meaningful relationships. Communicating verbally and nonverbally in a kind, responsible, and respectful way furthers understanding and increases intimacy and trust. I encourage you all members of Jordan Touch , to learn the trade and communicate effectively and be ardent listeners. Love and Peace to you all.

What does it cost you to appreciate The one you Love or Others? Июль 29, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Herbert Mtowo

APPRECIATING ONE ANOTHER
You scrimp, you save, you wash dishes, mop floors, endlessly pick up dropped sweaters, towels, CDs, dirty dishes, endlessly put away said sweaters, towels, and whatever else needs to be done; regardless of how tired you are or how early/late/inconvenient it is — and that’s on top of your 40-stretching-to-50-hour work week.
Does your one-and-only appreciate it? Does he stop to say «Wow, good job! Sparkling clean dishes, great floors — thanks!» or «Gee, Honey, spot-free glasses and a neat house. You’re awesome!» Noooo. OK, so you can understand that others might take you for granted, but your live-in partner? Grrr.
And how about the effort you make outside the home? No matter what the morning was like (the cat threw up on the couch, you were out of coffee and Diet Coke), you square your shoulders, take a deep breath, and walk in to work with a smile on your face and your very best positive attitude. You do your job with 100 percent effort so you can keep your salary coming in and keep your job secure given the present economy. Again, do you hear any thanks for it? Do you get even an ounce of appreciation from your mate for your day-in-day-out work ethic? Noooo. All you get is, «Is dinner ready yet?» or «Did you check the oil in my car?» Grrr.
What does it take? How can you get your partner to appreciate you?
You need to appreciate your partner. Oh, I know that’s not the answer you were looking for. But you see, appreciation is an energy and it attracts like energy. As you start appreciating your mate, he/ she will begin appreciating you, and if you are persistent and consistent, they will eventually express their appreciation to you in dozens of unexpected and delightful ways.
How does it work? Appreciating is basically valuing, paying attention to, and acknowledging the worth of someone or something, and being grateful for how that worth contributes to your life. So appreciating becomes something you do proactively, before anyone has done anything for you. You’re simply recognizing their value and expressing it to them. You can’t wait until someone comes along and does it for you. You could be waiting — as you have — a very long time.
Mouthing an empty «You’re great» won’t work. It takes more than that. You have to identify the specific qualities and attributes that make up who your partner is, cherish them, and feel a deep sense of gratitude for them. Here’s a simple way to consciously appreciate your mate:
Take a sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle. On the left side, list the inner qualities and traits you value about him or her. On the right side, write down why you are grateful for each one of these qualities and traits. Spend some time, every day, noticing and valuing your mate. A moment or two is all it takes. And in case you’re thinking, «That’s a weird thing to do» or «Who has the time?» remember this is something you used to do for hours when you and your true love were first courting.
Now, tell your partner about it! Openly express your appreciation, in words: «What a great job you do around the house. I’m so grateful.» «Your idea about how we can cut back on household expenses is really good. Thanks, Dear.» And with touch: an unexpected kiss here, a quick hug there.
The more you express your honest appreciation to your partner, the more he or she will begin to see the value in you. Oddly enough, the answer to «Appreciate me!» is really «How I appreciate you.»

The reason most relationships/marriages die in infancy is simply because the two parties I the relationship don’t take time to appreciate one another. Everybody wants to be around someone who appreciates them first and foremost. Alas, we live in a generation whereby so and so are trying to improve on their partners,eventualy the gap between the two widens and tension begins to grow. We aren’t assigned to change our mates but love and appreciate them. When that happens they begin to glow and bloom like a fresh rose. Don`t keep changing mates it ain`t gonna work, love them and appreciate them so much you will begin to see a lovely and beautiful side you never knew of them. All the best good people.

For comments and contributions visit Jordan Touch Communications or email us on: jtouchcommunications@gmail.com

Relationships and Marriage».Do theу realy work these days?» Июль 26, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, Today's Devotional.
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Herbert Mtowo

Marriage and Seasons 26/07/09

A couple of hours prior to writing this article I was talking to a lawyer close friend of mine to be. She said,”Herbert,I am sacred to getting married in case I get the wrong person in my life.”I said to her that’s not the solution, maybe because of what she sees and hears in the corridors and courtrooms, whereby she sees people who once said until death do us apart, brutally killing and wounding each other beyond imagination. What she sees and is experiencing miles from my beloved country Namibia, seems like we are just having the same nightmares and experiences. Though she is thousands of miles away in Zamibia,her fears are what have griped everybody on planet earth. Whether to marry or not to marry.Annita my good friend in Zambia has the same fears like you and me are going through in other countries and continents. I said to my good friend Annita,”Me and you have a greater responsibility shouldered upon us, to correct the wrongs and make this generation hope in marriage again. I personally tend to think and conclude our mind set is the problem, I still stand to be corrected on this one. Marriage is a give and take life commitment. But most people get into marriage for the wrong motives, to have someone make them happy, to be loved when they can’t give back the love. It`s not just a you taking out, but what are you prepared to give to see your relationship last a lifetime? Am pulling no punches here, we don’t have any excuse to have mediocre relationships and marriages. We can best understand marriage by understanding the seasons that we have in life, and prepare accordingly for each season as it comes. We must prepare ourselves for all the seasons in life as much as we prepare for all the seasons in marriage. Let’s talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called «the inner marriage.» The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with our self. We need a strong inner marriage of love, appreciation, understanding and respect for our self in order to experience the serenity, joy, and connection attainable in an outer marriage. Spring of Marriage is when matrimony begins. We are often young and overflowing with boundless excitement, optimism and desire. We start this first phase believing — unconsciously — that our partner is here to save our life and fulfill every expectation we ever dreamed possible. We are full of projections. In this early stage of development we rarely see the essence of the man or woman before us because we are so blinded by the light of the mythological god or goddess who blocks our view. We take our wedding vows, «Please heal me of every pain and love me forever.» Well, we didn’t say that but that’s what most of us thought. It’s a young and hopeful dream. We are in love and often madly so. Summer of Marriage is when we often bring children into the world. These precious little ones fill our lives with love, fun, pressure and (ugh!) adult responsibility. As the children grow, husbands and wives may argue that the spouse is not who we thought they were! We may even wonder if we are who we thought we were. Enter the mid-life crisis. It can be a stressful time of struggle. Later in this phase of the marriage cycle children will fly away from the carefully constructed family nest and into their brand new lives, just as their mother and father did. Husbands and wives now begin to surrender and let them go, albeit a little sadly. It’s an emotionally healthy and necessary choice. «Sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the days» go the words from Fiddler on the Roof. No wonder that song makes so many couples cry. Then we look around. It’s so quiet. The voice of Spirit whispers, «Something needs to change.» We think the something is our mate. «If only he…, if only she …,» Eventually we recognize it is not our mate but we who must change. We begin to understand that the inner marriage is of monumental importance. We commit to know yourself again. This commitment provides immediate insurance not just for us but for our couple relationship. It feels good. Understanding this inner marriage also makes boundaries clear, «I stop here and you start here.» Sometimes people are fearful that introspection might separate them. It could, but at least it’s honest. When we work to connect the inner marriage with our outer marriage we begin to appreciate the real glory in our spouse. We also begin to see the first authentic wrinkles of responsibility for our own life, too, and we begin to grow up. Of course, sometimes it doesn’t all work out and couples do separate permanently. But if that should occur at least each party has the satisfaction of knowing who he or she is and can apply it non-defensively for the good of the children and grandchildren involved. Not every relationship was made in heaven. Autumn of Marriage is all about transition and change. We watch our children raising their children. We graciously step back and let them live their own lives. We give them space when they need it. We throw our arms around the joy our grandchildren bring and pitch in whenever we can help. Watching our families grow is so full of wonder we want everyone to stop growing! But respecting time’s natural rhythm — especially when feeling astonished — helps us move right along with the changing tides as we consider what we want to do with our life now. Some want the pleasure of work, some the pleasure of play, and some want a combination. Being open to every new idea will see us through. That is key, keep it fresh. Winter of Marriage is when we enter into the final season of marriage with another or with ourselves alone for death or choice or fate may have put us there. So we pray for everyone’s good health. We are reflective and thoughtful. We live in our souls more. We recognize and give thanks for all the important moments in our life and for those we’ve met along the way who have helped us to transform, evolve and grow. We look forward to any final gifts of grace this season will provide. We reach for our partner’s hand or put our hand over our heart to touch the symbolic hand of our inner partner. At what season is your relationship or marriage, and what you going to do during this season? Prepare for them seasons before they come. Regards, Herbert Mtowo “ Start feeding opportunities and starve problems in your relationship……”

Marriage and Relationships,make the best out of what you have. Июль 23, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Herbert Mtowo

What It Takes to Be One Love alone won’t see you through., in an age when we have plastic marriages, plastic relationships, one may ask what does it take to have one strong and lasting happy relationship or marriage. My heart bleeds with pain as I write this article I just had a call from Windhoek from a colleague telling me of someone I had counseled as a practicing counselor it pains to get the news. He beat his wife to death, a very young couple they were, the man in his mid twenties and the woman in her early twenties. As I write this to you friends you realize how heavy my heart is at the loss of life, as the precious woman is dead, brutally in the name of love. Her dreams, aspirations and pursuits are all cut short. That`s why I put together a collection of thoughts just to check on you, and encourage you to be realistic and face the challenges of relationships with hope. What follows below may inspire you, enjoy and give comments freely. The sight of a couple sharing a joke and walking hand in hand, their faces lined all over with wrinkles, and their hair gray, begs the question: How did they remain a happy couple for so many years? Given that about half of all first marriages for men and women under 45 end in divorce, it’s a legitimate question. Their revelations may surprise you. «It’s not about how much you love each other, or how much money you have, or even if your personalities match,» Far more significant than these factors — yes, even more important than heart-pounding lust, which, let’s face it, often fades over time — is communication.. How well you and your spouse communicate with another? The second most significant factor that happy couples share, is a strong friendship. While you can’t necessarily teach a couple how to be friends, you can teach good friends how to communicate better. Developing Healthy Habits Three important ingredients of happy couples: • Avoid blowouts. «The first is to learn to talk without fighting about inevitable conflicts,». Making a concerted effort to see the other person’s perspective, and avoiding the blame game of «she said» or «he did,» goes a long way. When things appear to be hedging toward a blowout. Do what parents often tell young children: Take a «time out.» It’s a tactic he calls «exiting out of destructive fighting.» • Recall the positive. As parents often ask a child stewing in the time-out corner what she could have done differently, Couples in conflict take time to consider what brought them together in the first place. Then make room for those factors in your life again. «You’ve got to protect and preserve those positive connections — the friendship, the fun,» • Look to the future. While turning the clock back can help couples rekindle lost connections, I urge couples to simultaneously look forward. «You’ve got to have pretty long term vision of the future, shared dreams, and plans that represent a commitment to one another and your family,» Addressing a Sexless Marriage That future, according to most marriage experts, should include a healthy sex life. While sex isn’t everything to happy couples, sexual problems can lead to marital discord. That men and women tend to have different ideas about sex doesn’t help matters. Addressing a Sexless Marriage «Generally speaking, women tend to see sexuality as part of a larger construct. Men are exactly the opposite. «Women have to be in the mood. Men have to be in the room.» Many times, misunderstandings over these differences lead to a break down in a health relationship sexually within a marriage, even among happy couples. The result, is a sexless marriage. I call sexless marriages an «epidemic. Many of the married clients haven’t had sex in 10 years. Adopt a business approach to improve sex. Seeing things from a business-like perspective helps couples reframe their sexual relationship. «I tell them, ‘If this were a business, would you let it flounder like this?'» Presenting sex in this light makes problems, and solutions, more concrete for couples. «By likening it [marriage] to a business mode — with shared goals and missions; responsibilities, assets, and liabilities; and frequent business meetings — things shift,» Make honest assertions. To salvage their sex lives, some couples need to dig deeper. «Often, sex wasn’t good in the first place. A big complaint for women is that foreplay is bad or nonexistent,» But this isn’t easy for anyone to admit. «I do a lot of pushing for the truth,» Some couples simply aren’t prepared to tell, or hear, the truth. «A lot of couples fall out of it. It pushes too many buttons,» Learning Financial Savvy The topic of family finances is another hot-button topic, even for happy couples. Delegate the task of budget balancer. Experts observe that most happy couples recognize that handling household finances should remain a singular task. «Only one person can work the checkbook. There can’t be two CFOs,» That doesn’t mean, however, that the other partner should be kept in the dark about finances. Sheridan espouses making joint financial decisions, with just one person implementing. Start an emergency fund. I also strongly urge couples to plan for financial emergencies. This helps diffuse any potential blowups, such as who will sacrifice personal spending money when urgent house repairs must be funded. Every couple faces adversity, from slumps in their sex lives to bickering over the checkbook balance. Most married people can learn to become happy couples. «If both partners are motivated, they can turn things around. Hi guys make the best of your time and enjoy your relationships, whether dating or married, make the best of them