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Why you fall for her/him? Октябрь 25, 2010

Posted by Herbert Mtowo in family relationship, man&woman relationship, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ.
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Maybe that magical “thing” we feel for someone really boils down to … literally, chemistry.
The psychology of falling in love often revolves around physical chemistry, along with similarities such as socioeconomic backgrounds, levels of intelligence and good looks, and spiritual beliefs.

Yet, whom one falls for has a more primitive, inborn biology, says author Helen Fisher. That science explains one’s basic temperament and personality, the biochemistry behind it, and why a person falls for one kind of person over another.
The types are the adventurous Explorer, the reliable Builder, the ambitious Director, and the kind Negotiator.

“Why are we almost magically drawn to some people and not others?” says Fisher. She is a research professor of biological anthropology at Rutgers University, and author of books including “Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love,” and “Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray.”

While physical and sexual attraction also may have a biochemical base, Fisher focuses on the psychological side.

“You can feel very sexually drawn to somebody, but then they open their mouth and they have the wrong accent,” she says. “The brain sorts out whom you will feel romantically attracted to.

“I’m not talking about how you feel when you are in love,” Fisher says. She calls herself mostly an Explorer, with a secondary Negotiator. “I’m talking about what the brain circuitry is for romantic love.”

Though a person’s background can influence his or her relationship choices, there’s more to the story, Fisher says.

“Your childhood experiences play a role; there’s no doubt about that,” she says. “What I’m adding to the puzzle is the science half of the puzzle.”
“Why Him? Why Her?” — which had its first edition published in hardcover a year ago — features Fisher’s personality test, which also is available on http://www.chemistry.com, a dating site for which she is chief scientific advisor. After taking the test, readers can figure out their dominant personality, and learn what types are the best matches for them.

The theory about matches isn’t absolute, Fisher says; an Explorer and Builder aren’t a likely pairing, but can have a successful
relationship with extra work.

“There’s really no bad match, but there are some matches that are more natural than the others,” she says.

The book features an in-depth chapter on each personality type, so that readers can know what makes both them and potential partners tick. The same principle applies to other relationships, like with friends and family members, Fisher says.

“What I’m trying to do is show people more about themselves and more about their partner — More about whom they might make a really good match with, how to pick that person, and how to sustain a relationship with that person,” she says.

“This is a way of not only understanding your sweetheart, but understanding anybody,” Fisher says.
What’s Your Type?
Author Helen Fisher identifies four basic personality types in her book “Why Him? Why Her? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love.”
•The Explorer has a zest for life and adventure. Explorers are intensely curious, creative, energetic and spontaneous. They are risk-takers and can become bored easily. Explorers are optimistic, independent, and adaptable. This personality type is dopamine-based. •The Builder is loyal, conscientious and conventional. Builders value duty, respectability and proper moral conduct, and they tend to follow social norms and customs. They like to make plans and keep schedules. Builders are orderly and detail-oriented, and tend to be excellent managers. This personality type is serotonin-based.
•The Director is tough-minded, strong, direct and decisive. Directors tend to be analytical, skeptical and exacting. They are ambitious, achievement-oriented, pragmatic, daring, competitive and
self-confident. This personality type is testosterone-based, in both sexes.
•The Negotiator is imaginative, sensitive and theoretical. Negotiators also are unassuming, agreeable, intuitive and compassionate. They are emotionally expressive, and good with handling people. This
personality type is estrogen-based, in both sexes.
Explorers tend to fall for other Explorers, and Builders tend to fall for other Builders. Yet Directors and Negotiators tend to fall for each other

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Marriage Defined Август 4, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Брощюры, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, eMagazines, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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Marriage Defined

Posted by Herbert Mtowo

From the book, Mending Marriages by Chris Field.
Your working definition for marriage will impact what you are building and how you deal with it. The way you see something impacts how you understand it, value it and treat it. Consequently definitions are very important.
In my book, Mending Marriages, I take a good look at people’s working definitions for marriage. The reason some people need their marriage mended is because they have built the wrong thing on the wrong definition in the first place.
Casual observers see marriage as a ‘relationship’. That’s probably the universal starting point. However the nature of that relationship is where marriages come unglued.
To some people the marriage relationship is a special and life-long bond. Others have a much more casual definition of that relationship, seeing it as a temporary linking which will be broken when better or different alternatives come along.
A good working definition of marriage must bring clarity about the nature of the ‘relationship’.
The next key consideration is the functional aspect of the relationship. How are the couple to maintain their life together? What is the nature of their cooperation? While this is an aspect of the definition of the relationship it bears specific attention as it gives the practical expression of that relationship.
As an initial definition we can thus say that marriage is “a special relationship that fits special structural requirements”.
And that’s where the fun begins. What is the ‘special relationship’ and what are the ‘special structural requirements’? Around the world and through history many variations of both those aspects have been explored. Currently there is a push to move away from the history-long model of a man and a woman in a unique relationship. While alternative relationships have existed they have not been recognised as ‘marriage’, which status is seen as Holy Grail by some people.
Throughout history the ubiquitous model of marriage has placed the main responsibility for the relationship and its maintenance with the man. While modern sensibilities try to demean this reality it remains the most enshrined working model for marriage. Historically, all around the world, the vast majority of marriages have been established on the responsibility of the male, who creates a place of nurture for his wife and children. The wife is thus able to concentrate on her nurture of the children and her husband, while the man deals with the outside world and brings provision for his family.
In view of that long tested model it could be argued that the best way to destroy marriage is to demean men, taking their leadership from them. This will break up the family unit, bring uncertainty and insecurity and rob the home of the stabilising nurture of the mother.
Sadly we see much of that outcome already at work in many western families. While the western family home was a model of mutual benefit for the majority just a century ago, it is now an empty place, devoid of much that is needed to grace the human soul.
The most eminently qualified person to provide a powerful working definition for marriage is God. God created marriage and gave it as a gift to mankind. So God knows how it was designed to work. God knows what both husband and wife must do in order to fulfil the marriage relationship and build an effective family unit.
The Bible gives the most valuable and comprehensive insights into how marriage was designed and what we must to do enjoy its fullest benefits. The marriage relationship is best defined as that bond between a man and a woman which unites them in the relationship which God created for them.
Through the pages of the Bible we discover many things which impact the definition of marriage. We discover that it is God’s creation, not man’s creation. It is a holy union, not a relationship of convenience. Its purposes are divine, not human. Its roles are prescribed by God, not dictated by the power players in any given culture.
The bond is created by God, not the couple. A couple cannot pronounce themselves to be ‘married’. God joins the couple together. It is therefore a ‘holy estate’, not a social construct. And since God joins them together man and woman do not have the power to revoke it. God makes it and man cannot ‘un-make’ it.
God has prescribed specific and unique responsibilities to the man and the woman in marriage. These are not a matter of negotiation by the couple. They are prescribed by God and we will each be judged by God on how well we fulfil His demands, despite what we or our spouse think of the arrangements we have come to between each other.
The ‘relationship’ that is created, therefore, is a moral bond, established by God. It is not principally a social union, but a moral one. Each marriage union is a unique bond, excluding all others. It has the quality of a legal bond, since all who violate it are breaking God’s law.
The marriage union allows the couple to enter a unique moral connection where intimacy between them is made perfectly legitimate and holy. It confers on the couple exclusive sexual privileges.
Altogether, then, marriage is an amazing and awesome divine gift to humanity. Sadly many people do not understand what it is and so they enter into it lightly and without respect for their responsibilities or the accountability they have before God for their handling of His created union.
That’s why I bring the subject up along the way, in various forms. People need their eyes opened to this amazing moral union and its implications. That’s not just for their own sake, but for the sake of their spouse, their descendents and the culture in which they live. When God’s Kingdom comes it must impact the domestic home as much as the global environment or governmental circles.
Now, having given you this lengthy explanation, have a look at the definition of marriage which I present in Mending Marriages.
“Marriage is a unique, irrevocable, legal and moral bond created by God between a man and a woman who commit themselves to each other for life-long union, conferring on them exclusive sexual privileges and offering them loving relationship, mutual co-operation and personal investment in each other, in a divinely ordained structure and process in which both fulfil their unique, divinely created responsibilities, which they are to follow in the fear of God, with God’s gracious endowment and for God’s glory, conferring on them God’s personal blessings through each other as they create an effective and meaningful social unit with unique, multi-generational significance

YOU CAN START AGAIN Июнь 24, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, Цитаты Великих - Great Quotes, PSYCHOLOGIE-ПСИХОЛОГИЯ, Today's Devotional.
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By Chuck Peirce

There is hope in the middle of darkness. Usually in the midst of our dark times in life, we find ourselves filled with trauma and loss. These elements hide in our very cells. Trauma is like a snapshot from a camera. The picture of the trauma is stored deep in our brains, but the Holy Spirit wants to move in such a way that we are sovereignly delivered. He wants to give us a new perspective on life and the world around us. When we do not deal with trauma effectively, we allow roots to grow that entangle our feet and keep us from moving forward on our new path of success. Trauma imprinted on our memory systems is also absorbed deep into the tissues of our brain (the processor) and affects our thoughts and our hearts. Trauma becomes the flashbulb that determines what we see and how we define the world around us. When not processed correctly, trauma will shape your world from the point of view of the incident. Trauma can produce lock-ins of fear, failure complexities, emotional distress, and anxiety, and it can even cause your organs (spleen, kidneys, pancreas) to overwork. Oh my! We may be going through a lot, but there is a way for us to overcome, to reverse the power of our dark hour, and to advance into the very best that still lies ahead. An over comer moves past defeats, past traumas, wounding, mistakes and failures to gain new strength and venture into the next season with hope. In the midst of darkness there is light. My favorite saying in life is “But God!” Your present circumstances are developing a mentality of victory within you. No matter what situation you find intruding in your life, you can shout, “But God! He is the light in my darkness!” Dark hours lie ahead, but an over comer’s anointing will break through and give you victory. One way God develops the overcoming anointing in us is by moving us past our last failure or even our last victory, and by enabling us to continue to run the race ahead. Some dark hours are not only in our future but many dark moments may also lie in our past. In other words, there were certain times that we just botched it, made a mess of things, or royally wasted our opportunity for victory or favor. We had an opportunity, we missed the opportunity, and the time of prosperity slipped past us. We listened to a wrong voice and chose a wrong path. Our desire went awry, and we had a relationship that was never meant to be. We heard God, we pursued His voice, but we somehow got tangled in the cares of the world and lost sight of the way. We started the race, got tired and dropped out. The most difficult situation in our lives occurs when we know the will of God one day but somehow make a mistake and cannot find our way on the next day. The great thing for us to know is this: There will come another day! . There is always a way back. You might have to scale a mountain or swim a river, but there is a way back or into the next phase of your life. You can survive and find the right road again. I have counseled many who have gone through terrible divorces, bankruptcies, losses of business and homes, diseases and depressions, and they have always been able to hear the Lord say, “This is your way into the new place!” Sometimes the second time around is the best! We know that “all things work together” for our good—even our mistakes, so we can rest assured that God can, and does, use our failures to teach and direct us when we humble ourselves and seek His face. Adapted from Redeeming the Time by Chuck D. Pierce, copyright 2009, published by Charisma House. This book will give you a new understanding of time and God’s redemptive plan for you—whether past, present or future. It will help you recognize God’s timing in your life and reap the rewards of a life in step with God. To order a copy click on this link

 

PRAYER POWER FOR THE WEEK OF 6/29/2009

This week thank God that He is enabling you to continue to run the race ahead no matter what you experienced in your past. Ask Him to restore what was lost and give you new opportunities to serve Him and fulfill His call on your life. Continue to pray for revival and that God would accomplish His purpose in and through our nation. Pray for the protection of Israel, our allies, the military and the persecuted church. Thank God for the freedoms we still enjoy in this country and pray that they will continue for the spread of the gospel and the extending or His kingdom. Rom. 8:28; Psalm 33:1

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Visit us at http://www.spiritledwoman.com (click on the address to get there now) where you’ll find encouragement, inspiration, fellowship and fun. Please feel free to forward this Power Up! to a friend by clicking the large «Tell a friend» button. (Don’t use the forward button on the toolbar of your computer. If you do and one of the people you send it to «unsubscribes,» you’ll be unsubscribed as well and we won’t know it. This won’t happen if you click «Tell a friend.»)

Молитвенная поддержка для вашего проповедника Июнь 1, 2009

Posted by Alyosha Kolodiy in Актуальная проблема -problem of today, Библейские уроки-Bible lessons, Трибуна братства - The brotherhood tribune, eMagazines, Today's Devotional.
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Христиане нуждаются в том, чтобы молиться друг о друге и друг с другом. Но есть особенная нужда в молитве за христианских лидеров, будь то в церкви или обществе. Церковный лидер сталкивается с множеством сложных задач, балансируя между ролями старейшины, проповедника, священника, администратора. кроме того, у него еще есть роль мужа и отца. Есть так же христиане, которые являются лидерами, занимая светсткие должности. Они сталкиваются с трудной задачей -оставаться верными Евангелию в сложном и многоликом мире.

Нравится ли им этот, или нет, но христианские лидеры вынуждены нести тяжелое бремя в обществе, готовом осудить любую слабость или ошибку.

Нам следует ожидать, что наши лидеры -это мужи и жены молитвы, но подобным образом им тоже следует ожидать молитвенной поддержки от нас. По оценкам последнего глобального исследования молитвенной жизни верующих, выяснилось, что менее чем одна етверть посетителей церкви регулярно молятся за своих церковных лидеров.

Ниже мы предлагаем некоторые мысли, которые помогут вам молиться за вашего лидера в личной молитве и в течении всей недели. Если у вас больше, чем один лидер, то вы можете проводить неделю в молитве за каждого из них.

Молитвенная неделя

Понедельник. Молиться за них, как за пастырей, несущих любовь Иисуса окружающим людям и хорошо пасущих членов церкви.

Вториник. Молитва за их проповедническое служение, чтобы они могли слышать и доверять Божьему Слову, а так же провозглашать Его с дерзновением и верою, имея при этом эффективный контакт с паствой.

Среда. Молиться за них как лидеров, ищущих видения будущего и ведущих церковь к этому видению, вдохновляя и укрепляя членов церкви в их служении.

Четверг. Молиться за ваших проповедников в их личном следовании путем веры. Молиться за их молитвенную жизнь, за их веру, за то, чтобы они возрастали духовно в познании и любви к Богу.

Пятница. Молиться за их личное время -за отдых и обновление в силе, во избежание напряжения и стрессов в служении.

Суббота. Молиться за них, как за мужей. А так же нужно молиться за них, как за родителей. В ином случае, молиться за их отношения с теми, кто близок к ним.

Воскресенье. Молиться за них, как за ведущих поклонение и за их роль церковных лидеров. Особенно за их взаимоотношения с членами церкви, а так же за любые отношения, которые являются сложными в данный момент времени.

Молитва за лидеров является духовным флюгером, показывающим направление воздушного потока, дающего церкви потенциал расти в ее миссии, следуя за ветром Божьего Духа. Две вещи помогут вам в этом:

-Нужно чтобы вся церковь или максимально столько людей, сколько возможно, разделяли понимание молиться за лидеров.

-Нужно чтобы молились за всех лидеров церкви, а не только за тех, кто является служителем на полное время.